UNSTOPPABLE

Last year a friend made a suggestion to focus on a word for the new year vs. resolutions. Let's face it a word is much more obtainable. For years I made resolutions, most of which I abandoned before the 1st quarter of the year was out. I would consistently write down a list of 10 to 15 things I would change or improve upon.  There were a few that would sneak their way on the list every year. Lose weight, pay off debt, find a hobby etc. We call them goals ...but let's face it's just a very creative way to place unrealistic expectations on  ourselves. There is nothing wrong with creating a list of wishes and wants, but what I learned is I placed these insane expectations on myself .

When the clock strikes midnight the only thing that really has changed is the time. It's a new year , but if you have not LEARNED anything, CHANGED your way of thinking or GROWN from your experiences, I guarantee you won't accomplish any of the resolutions you set up for yourself.

Last year my word was BELIEVE...and boy was I tested. I spent the entire year believing. There were times I wanted to stop believing . ( Journey would have been disappointed)  I committed to not straying from the belief that no matter what ,it was all going to be OK, and ultimately it was. So what  how did I learn, change and grow?

I LEARNED.. that not everything will go the way you want it to go. Even when you think it you have it all figured out, life has a way of sneaking up on you and throwing a curve ball. I learned that people will disappoint you, not because they don't love you, but because they are people and they have their own issues. They are not perfect...but hey neither am I. I learned that it's OK to make mistakes, or be imperfect. There is nothing wrong with doing something you regret, just try not to repeat the behavior. I learned that life is in cycles good and bad are a part of it. It's not always the devil, or God sometimes IT IS MORE than you can handle, but handle it anyway. I promise time tells a story, and with time there is always a resolution ALWAYS.

I also learned that just because my beliefs have shifted doesn't make me a bad person. I spent most of the year thinking I was a bad Christian because prayers, the bible and church wasn't giving me the comfort and peace I  needed. What I learned by the end of the year was that was not what God's plan for me was. He was sending me on journey of self discovery. He needed me to FIND  my own peace, and self accountability  and boy did I!

I learned that you really are responsible for you.

I CHANGED.. I have spent a great deal of my life looking for acceptance from others. Wanting closer friendships, and to be loved and accepted. I spent most of my life really hating the ME I was trying desperately to be someone else ANYONE else. How can you connect with others if you are not authentic?

2014 that changed I learned to embrace me, the good, the bad , the ugly, I am emotional, and sensitive. My feelings are hurt easily. I am scared A LOT, but I am also loving, and giving, funny in my own quirky way and loyal to those I love. When disappointed I don't always handle it the best way , but I am working on it. The fact that I own it and all of it is growth in itself.

I stopped waiting for God to "bless" me and really focused on all the great things I had going on in my life. I discovered meditation, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Through this I was able to find my peace. TRUE peace , not the fake it and hope people don't see through it stuff.

I changed because I starting caring less about the friends I didn't have . It hurt that this year I REALLY needed friends, and naturally I reached out to the ones who I had been there for. I discovered many of them were not there the way I needed them to be. I was bitter ....but through change I LEARNED that wasn't their job. Everyone doesn't have to ride your journey with you. The journey is for you. They really helped me because I begin to enjoy my own company. I also learned to take my own advice vs. looking for counsel and validation from others. There is power in choosing what life is best for you.

I have GROWN.. I learned that everything I need is already in me. I don't have to wait for it, pray for it, wish for it, it is there. I know now that pain is a part of life , but understanding pain makes you truly value joy. I have grown to the point where I really don't care what people think. This is going to look different for some. I probably won't be that person giving all of me and then some when I am needed. I am too busy loving on me. This is something I didn't do before. I thought if I loved people more and loved me less they would fill the gap. Again this is not their responsibility. So people will find me using the word NO a lot more often. This was something that needed to happen a long time ago.

In all of this I have come away with what I feel is amazing knowledge.

1. Love is a choice...a daily choice.
2.Living moment to moment is much easier than living day to day
3. If you don't make a plan for your life , then life will make a plan for you.....but you don't get to complain about it.
4. Every second you get to make a different choice.  I no longer worry about the morning in the afternoon, The morning is over, if it wasn't great I focus on making the afternoon better and the evening amazing. It really is that simple.

Overall, I know people might be surprised to hear my year was FREAKING  amazing ! I learned how to let it all go and just live and enjoy whatever life has to throw my way. I found peace, I learned how to love myself and I learned that what other people think about you is really not YOUR problem. I have no complaints about my year. 2014 was one heck of a ride, but I survived it because I BELIEVED I would.

So this year my word is UNSTOPPABLE...no explanation needed just watch me in action.


Happy New Years Loves!!

Keeping IT REAL

One of the biggest things  out of my comfort zone to date I have decided to do is embrace the natural texture of my hair.  Women, black women specifically hold a great source of self esteem in the appearance of our tresses.

When making this decision, I decided to go a step beyond being natural. I also wanted to embrace the luxury of being versatile with my hair. Meaning if i want to wear it straight I do, if I want to be happy kinky and curly I can, if I want to be weavetastic have at it. Whatever I want to do I can without being identified as less than or more than because of my hair.

My decision was based off a morning where I woke up at 4:00 a.m. to straighten my hair for a presentation  because I didn't think I would look professional if I didn't. At some point I had been taught the "natural" texture of my hair was unprofessional.

That morning I decided that I would focus on embracing MY texture, as well as focusing on healthy hair vs. straight. I encourage  all women to take this journey of acceptance with their hair. The fun in finding sexy, fun and sassy ways to wear your own hair can be a very liberating journey. 

I remember a  time where if my hair was a mess it would ruin my entire day. I have recalled times where I even called into work because I didn't feel presentable with hair that wasn't bone straight. The wonderful thing in this process is not being afraid of the water and rain anymore. Water has actually become a friend, and while I am still learning all the ins and outs I will chart my journey as a way to encourage others to embrace their personal hair journey. 

Our hair is not who we are, but how we love and care for our bodies and our hair are reflections of how we feel about ourselves and our culture. Good hair is healthy hair! People can try to put you in a box, but it is you who chooses whether or not you want to stay in it.

BELIEVE 2014

This year I decided I would not do New Year’s resolutions.  Honestly, by the third month I have pretty much failed on them all, then for the rest of the year I beat myself up for failing. 2013 was a mess of a year for me. While I am always blessed, every obstacle and roadblock seemed to come my way. Honestly there was more than one time where I just wanted to give up…..figuratively of course .

When a friend of mine blogged about picking a word for the year I thought it was brilliant. She encouraged others to do the same, so with that I have chosen my word. BELIEVE is my word for 2014.

The reality is I have been a very good actress. While others have believed I was confident, outgoing and happy. I have been quite the opposite. There were so many things I didn’t believe. I didn’t believe I was beautiful; therefore I didn’t take care of my appearance or shop for myself, or do anything that was in line with a person who believed they were important. 2014 I will believe in the beauty of me inside and out. 

I didn’t believe I was successful, due to the fact I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be at this time in my life. I am shedding that belief as well. I am as successful as I believe I am.  There is so much power in believing. When you believe things happen. It’s no surprise that because I focused so much on the negative that is exactly what was manifested in my life.

Resolutions are hard, and while I hope to set goals throughout the year, my one word will remain constant….BELIEVE. This year I choose to believe that all things are possible and 2014 is going to have some great things waiting for me.

The 30’s Dilemmas: You No Longer Have Plenty of Time

Remember, when you were in your 20’s and you were just living life to live? If you didn't have kids, the response was you have plenty of time. If you were career hopping, or uncertain of what you wanted to be when you “grew up”, you were told take your time. You will have your entire life to focus on your career.

Well not everyone had that advice, but I am sure many can relate.  Almost overnight you hit 30, and it is no longer acceptable to party Thursday- Sunday.

It’s kind of crazy, that in my 20’s I thought I had it all figured out. I wasn't actually doing anything to get there; I just figured it would all come together. I am certain I am not the only one with the same dilemma. I am no longer being told you have plenty of time.  I get the famous, “No kids, you better hurry up you aren't getting any younger.” I get the side eye when I say I am still entry level in my career. After all 3 degrees, and what should have been extensive experience and career development, I should be further ahead than that RIGHT?

I don’t say all this to self deprecate, and get a bunch of empty reassurance, but I say this to put out there's a 30’s trap we fall into and a way we got there. Sometimes just acknowledging you went the wrong direction can put you back on the right path. So what trap did you fall into?

THE MIRACLE

This is that moment in your life where you achieve spiritual clarity. Often times in the infancy stage we get a little delusional about how “blessings” really work. At least I know I did We put no real effort into planning our own lives; we are spiritually responsible with some false sense of religious loyalty and then subscribe to the fact that God is going to bless us with something we didn't actually work for.

Don’t you just love those people who are sitting back effortless waiting for God to deliver the miracle to their doorstep? When things go terribly wrong, then they defend their lack of progress with this is a test from God, or its coming, or the all famous the devil really trying to block blessings. Great way to take NO responsibility for what we contribute to our own successes and failures. 

When you move from this space you are devastated, because suddenly you realize I am responsible for my success. There is no imaginary source out there working to destroy you as you Facebook, instead of looking for a career. The devil isn’t trying to block you from a husband, but it’s a small possibility that the guy at the bar too drunk to remember your name is a good candidate.

DENIAL

I lived here for a while. This is when you actually convince yourself, you ARE doing everything you can to be successful. Then try to convince yourself, that since you are doing better than others ALSO doing badly, that you are actually in a good place. This is when you hear yourself saying things like, “It could be worse, I know others with less than me.” 

Well there will ALWAYS be people with less, but that’s no reason to not strive for more. Or to be honest with yourself and say “Hey I need to change my thinking if I want to be successful” I don’t know one single successful person, who got there by focusing on being complacent or continually making excuses.

THE EXCUSE MAKER 

Don’t you love this type! The one who says I am 30, but I had a bad life, or the man ....who is this man held me down. The famous of late, the economy is just so bad. I've even heard God told me this is where I need to be. Successes still happens in a bad economy, not all successful people were born with a silver spoon, matter fact, many had bad lives and that was their drive to be successful so they didn't have to continue to live with less.

The excuse maker will never take responsibility for their own decisions. It will always be some reason or someone who is responsible for their lack of success.

THE GUILTY ONE

This is the one I struggle with the most. Although I have been guilty of each one of these. The guilty one convinces themselves, they actually DON’T want or deserve more. They feel guilty saying I want to be rich, I want to be married, I want to have nice things, and I want a big home. Go back to the religious one, the desire for things makes them feel like they love God less.

They will actually try to convince themselves that they are horrendous for even speaking such desires out loud, so they overcompensate by reassuring people they are NOT materialistic. This is a horrible existence, because it is a constant internal battle, and you actually sabotage yourself, so that way the things you want are not even possible.

So which, one are you? I find at 36 people expect me to take my life goals more seriously. People judge you, by what you have NOT accomplished. It speaks to your drive. I also believe people are also able to better separate the talkers from the doers.

 I was told the amount of money you have in your savings account at 40 is very reflective of what you will have when you retire. If you don’t have a plan in place for retirement, investment and your overall future in your 30’s you more than likely WON’T ever have one.

What I am learning is you can’t just stop at the degree; you have to execute a life plan. It’s never too late, but as you get older the journey gets harder. In the end your success is UP TO YOU.

The American Dream

I remember being young with dreams. I also remember being told, stop all that dreaming, pick a real career, and have a back-up plan. As time passed, my dreams faded and my back up plan became my only plan. Do I think I was told wrong, NO.   I believe that society subscribed to the American Dream of work hard, go to school, get a job, get married , have a few kids, and maybe a dog and that will equal a good life.

As a person who also subscribed to this belief, I did just that. I went to school 3x’s over. Got multiple degrees, looked for the perfect job—you know the one with the perfect perks, and perfect pay still looking. Found a guy, got married, and became a step-mom, without the dog…. allergies wouldn't allow it.  

We got what society would be considered “good pay” and we lived what society would call a good life.

All the dreams of actress, writer, newscaster, talk show host, suddenly became ridiculously silly to me.  I found myself saying what were you thinking; you know a future like that isn't meant for you. Even though I wasn't sure why I didn't feel I deserved it.

Well, one day I looked at my bucket list over 30 wishes and wants, before I leave this place, and realized while some of these things I could accomplish, some of them I would never afford to be able to do. Now when I say afford, we automatically think I mean…. I will never have the money. Well not quite. Yes some things would be expensive, but time also came into play.

Right now, my husband and I work almost 24 hours a day between the both of us. With him on the night shift, me on the day shift we hardly see each other. I leave the house at 7am and return around 8pm, so even something as simple as gardening, I just don't have the time to do.

So what does that say when you work to enjoy life, but you have no time to enjoy those things OR, after you have paid all the bills you have little left?

Well religion will tell you, be blessed for what you have.Well you should always be thankful, but does that mean complacency is acceptable?

Workaholics will tell you, work harder. Well wouldn't that still leave you with less time?

Optimists will tell you, things will change just keep a positive attitude. Well, things only change, if you change them right?

All those suggestions probably leave the average American frustrated. The dream slowly becomes your living nightmare, your daily reality. A constant cross-road of, where do I go from here?

I really wish this blog had the solution for you, but honestly it comes down to choices.

Go back to the drawing board, start over and take chances. Make the best of your circumstances, get rid of the bucket list, it will only serve to depress you. OR….find a career that allows you to meet your family’s needs as well as give you more time to enjoy this one little life we get.  The last one is easier said than done, but probably the best decision to make.

What is your choice?  I am still on my cross-road. Commuting, 3 hours, working 8 and sometimes more literally leaves me with enough time to sleep. It’s not the best life, it’s not the worst. It’s the life I have today. I think it is these moments in our life, where we make the toughest, realist, most effective decisions. As I said you only get to do this thing called life ONCE….. so how will you live?

The American Dream , I have learned is just about as real as the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny. My biggest regret is not, chasing my dreams, not taking chances, and playing it safe. Now left, with a ridiculous amount of student loan debt, 40 hour work weeks, and sleep being defined as what I like to do in my free time I find myself ready to take a different leap….stay tuned.

Cancel Your Subscription

I was challenged to think of one thing I was holding on to that no longer served any purpose.  We all have those things right? A time in our life that we seem to reflect on, and wish it could have been different. We let that one moment define us. We use it as a platform for future failures. We have that one notion we subscribe to that motivates all of our decisions and fuels our excuses. Well today I decided to cancel my subscription!

Let me tell you about the day I hold on to. I remember it vividly…too vividly to be 35 years old. I was a senior in high school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unpopular either –or so I thought. I have great memories of high school and not so great ones, but what I remember most was the day I realized I would be dateless for senior prom. I believe that is a girl’s worst nightmare not to be asked.  IT WAS MY REALITY! Not a single person asked and when I realized maybe I should ask -even the nerds had a date. Total bummer, I felt like such a loser. How ugly do you have to be to not get asked to prom?

Well my mom tried to make it better; she got a co-worker to get his nephew to take me to prom. Side-note parents NEVER DO THIS! I felt like such a loser, my mom had to get me a prom date! He was cute though and we met a few weeks before, so we kind of started dating so it seemed SLIGHTLY real …NOT! In the end a few girl friends and my recruited prom escort decided to go together. No fancy car, no real date I truly was only going because people said I would regret it forever if I didn't. Well I am glad I went in the end. Wasn't the best prom, but hey memories are memories. Who knew that night I would be subscribing to my most expensive subscription to date.

That night I left prom with the belief I AM NOT WORTHY. No one likes me, not even enough to spend a couple hours with me. Self –Esteem was already not my high area, but this just sealed the notion that I was undesirable, unworthy and all around not worth noticing.  I didn't even self –reflect I just decided to keep myself safe from rejection from that point forward.

This idea of worthiness /unworthiness has cost me much more than a night without a date for senior prom. I went through life never TRYING for anything, because all I could see is rejection. Any opportunity that came before me, I passed up because I was certain someone out there was more suited than me for it. Why risk it. This has cost me a lot. I am sure there are others out there that can totally relate to the unnecessary subscriptions we take on in our lives.

So here is the deal why blog about it, why let people know all these intimate parts of my life? WELL …pretty simple. If I have all these experiences, ups and downs, highs and lows and don’t share them then what was the point? 

The only return on investment I can get from subscribing to the ridiculous notion that I am unworthy because I was not asked to prom, is to provide encouragement to someone else. SO what subscription can you cancel today? I no longer subscribe to the notion that I am unworthy. I am plenty worthy, and well loved.  Learning to love where you are, and where you are not is probably my most amazing accomplishment.  So who else is cancelling their subscription?

Finish What You Started: Notes From The Diary of a Serial Quitter

My life has a similar pattern in almost everything that I do. I quit.  If I start working out and don’t see results in a month I quit. If I try a diet and I get too hungry in a few days I quit.  If a job isn't working out the way I planned it to I quit. When life isn't being kind sometimes I just retreat to a dark place and say I QUIT.

Reality is, I quit because the thought of failing or not reaching my goal was much scarier to me than trying – not the best solution- but that is how I have learned to handle life.  What I have learned in the success that snuck through my habitual quitting is that if it was easy, everyone would have it.

So this leads to my newest journey. When I first heard about Game Changers Boot Camp, I came up with every excuse as to why it wouldn't work for me. Now before I say this in no ways am I trying to slam anyone’s hustle. This is about MY JOURNEY.

I looked for every short cut I could to avoid changing my life style. Shakes, wraps, extreme diets, pills, prayer, and the flu anything that would help me get to my goal weight. Of course this microwave mentality didn't get me far. 

We all want it NOW with minimal effort to get it. Have you ever had micro waved chicken? I promise you can do it and it is edible and fast. However we all can agree it will never taste as good as the properly seasoned, marinated grilled piece that took some time to prepare.

This is the same theory with our bodies.  Quality results take time. I am no expert on exercise I am simply an overweight girl who has ran out of short cuts and finally had to take accountability and control of my choices.  I don’t know it all because I have been in the gym for two weeks. What I do know is I am not quitting. I have a boot camp, yoga, some summer hikes and a 5k in my future.

I learned there is no magic solution. The solutions are getting out of your bed, working out and making healthy eating choices.  My body deserves my best.  So what does a person who has quit for 35 years do? Well I have decided to quit again, but this time I am going to quit, quitting. 

I am excited to see the results and I PROMISE in this wordy blog to reward my readers with a picture before and after when it is all done.  If you are already on track and you know what to do this blog isn't for you. However if you are an excuse maker  like me and overwhelmed with life’s curve balls then this might serve as an inspiration to you. 

I am excited to see what the next 3 months hold……quitting or no quitting I pledge to make my before and after my FACEBOOK profile picture on my birthday August 16. TALK ABOUT PRESSURE!!! So to my quitters, shortcut seekers and discouraged ones if I can do this you can to you just have to CHANGE THE GAME!

IF you are in Colorado I have that solution, best decision I made in my life and I am going to finish what I started.

Visit http://gamechangersbootcamp.com/ to learn more about the Game Changers Boot Camp I promise you will be happy you clicked on the link and enrolled in the class.

" Every journey begins with a single step, but you will never finish if you don't start"