Hello ALL!!!
SO here is my issue, I seem to have lost my mojo. A week long conference and two early morning events zapped my desire to head to the gym. ALL IS NOT LOST I have been very active. A day at the beach, running around and two golf tournaments. I have not been a couch potato that is for sure!!! I need to get back to the gym however. I thought about some out door running , but the heat has scared me from even trying.
My husband and I had an awesome revelation. At one point we had gotten so lazy we had a Chic-fil-a , Burger King, Pizza rotation. From a week before the wedding till probably June we ate fast food everyday! That has definitely changed. We rarely eat fast food, and have been committed to cooking healthy meals everyday. I believe the life change has given me something to be proud of much more than my ability to go the gym 4 times a week. I know I have to do more, but I am realizing that I am making changes that will last.
My goal this week is to get my husband on board. I think it would be great if the family could get active together. Sooooooo what activity could we do as a family??? Guess I have some thinking to do! Catch you guys next blog!!!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Emotional Prison
Just recently I posted on status that you have the opportunity to turn your mess to a message. Often times we look at someone and we think we have them ALL figured out. We have those people we dislike, the people we love, the people we envy and the people we admire. We sometimes forget that each of those people come with a story that makes them unique. That makes them flawed and that makes them human.
I remember the very first day I let someone define me. I was 5 and I can't remember her name , but I remember the incident. There was a little girl that lived a couple doors down and we played together all the time. This particular day we were playing with our dolls and putting beads in their hair. Suddenly she looked in this canister full of beads and said YOU STOLE SOME OF MY BEADS!!! I am not really sure how she determined that, but she was adamant that I had stolen something that belonged to her. She stated she did not like me and would not be my friend anymore. I was devastated and I believe that is the first day I started believing I was unlikeable.
As I went through life I struggled to connect with people. Even though I was charming, people said they liked me I really believed it was all a lie. Who could like me? I grew to hate myself and all the bad things about me said by mean hateful people, or lets face it kids just being kids I believed it ! The bad stuff was much easier to believe. When people said good things I was furious at the thought that they would lie and try to trick me into thinking I was worthy.
I hated myself. I was skinny, the boys did not seem to like me and I was frustrated that I was never one of the POPULAR girls. At one point people would spread rumors about me that were NOT EVEN TRUE, but in some twisted way I did not defend myself because I was just glad people knew who I was.
As I grew older this self hatred of sorts, turned into self sabotage. Every potential for success I somehow adverted it. I did not go into acting even though it was my passion, because I told myself I would never make it anyway. I did not become a reporter and I convinced myself I was no where pretty enough to be on television. I convinced myself even though I have two Masters levels degrees that I somehow cheated my way through school and I was not valuable enough to have a real career. I even tried to sabotage my marriage before we said I do, because I was convinced no one would actually go through with marrying me.
To support these beliefs I aligned myself with some of the most toxic people. I kept a friendship for two decades even though she constantly proved she was not a friend because she had convinced me no one but her really liked me. She even tried to convince me that my husband moved of state to get away from me. GREAT FRIEND right? Every single failure in my life just served as confirmation of what I believed I was worthless and I was never going to be more than what I was no matter how hard I tried so WHY BOTHER?
I started living a double life . One where I was constantly self deprecating myself and another where I created all these surface relationships that gave people the illusion I was confident. I had imprisoned myself in my own destructive thoughts. Honestly no one has ever even supported them I have been told quite the opposite by the people who should have mattered.
I allowed ALL of my experiences to negatively impact me. So the truth is I did not give myself the chance to learn much. I self prophesied most of my failures. I willed them into existence. This kinda hatred generates anger, and my expectations of people were much too high. If they disappointed me I shut down. If they talked about me I blew up. I became known for my outbursts and it was something to this day I am not proud of. Every time someone criticized me it became my truth.
Up until recently all of my decisions have been fear-based. I probably have missed out on a lot of great things for fear of failure. It was easier to not try than to either fail or succeed and be held accountable for maintaining that image. So why the blog what's the point you ask? Well sometimes making yourself vulnerable allowing people to see side of you that you have kept hidden gives you insurmountable power.
I have lived in a prison of self hatred for 34 years and refused to turn 35 feeling the same way. There are so many ways to use your voice, I choose to speak of what was as a way to say NOW you have said it move on. What I have learned over the years are some very valuable lessons. You can have a reasonable dispute and maintain a relationship. It is OK to let go of "friends" once you have outgrown each other. It is OK to fail because even failure is success.
The good part to all of this is even though I gave up , I am blessed that the Universe did not give up on me. This means I always have a chance to change my view of the world and leave the footprint I was meant to leave. I started this with you never know a persons story. The funny part of it all is now that I see the world the way I should have always seen it, It is so much I want to do. It is almost a rush to the finish line. It is refreshing at this point to hear what people have to say about me good or bad and walk away and say their opinion does not define me AND ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT.
This blog was inspired by someone that said I wish I could be like you, you're always happy , your so successful you have an amazing spirit. I thought at the time BOY DO THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!! However I now realize that you can be an inspiration to others even when you can not inspire yourself. Your message won't apply for all, but for many it will. I am glad the world knocked me down so many times, one of those falls must have knocked some sense into me. I named my blog Lynne The Dreamer, because I believe that if you dream you always have something exciting to look forward to. It looks like a lot more than losing weight is happening for me on this 90 day Journey!!!
I remember the very first day I let someone define me. I was 5 and I can't remember her name , but I remember the incident. There was a little girl that lived a couple doors down and we played together all the time. This particular day we were playing with our dolls and putting beads in their hair. Suddenly she looked in this canister full of beads and said YOU STOLE SOME OF MY BEADS!!! I am not really sure how she determined that, but she was adamant that I had stolen something that belonged to her. She stated she did not like me and would not be my friend anymore. I was devastated and I believe that is the first day I started believing I was unlikeable.
As I went through life I struggled to connect with people. Even though I was charming, people said they liked me I really believed it was all a lie. Who could like me? I grew to hate myself and all the bad things about me said by mean hateful people, or lets face it kids just being kids I believed it ! The bad stuff was much easier to believe. When people said good things I was furious at the thought that they would lie and try to trick me into thinking I was worthy.
I hated myself. I was skinny, the boys did not seem to like me and I was frustrated that I was never one of the POPULAR girls. At one point people would spread rumors about me that were NOT EVEN TRUE, but in some twisted way I did not defend myself because I was just glad people knew who I was.
As I grew older this self hatred of sorts, turned into self sabotage. Every potential for success I somehow adverted it. I did not go into acting even though it was my passion, because I told myself I would never make it anyway. I did not become a reporter and I convinced myself I was no where pretty enough to be on television. I convinced myself even though I have two Masters levels degrees that I somehow cheated my way through school and I was not valuable enough to have a real career. I even tried to sabotage my marriage before we said I do, because I was convinced no one would actually go through with marrying me.
To support these beliefs I aligned myself with some of the most toxic people. I kept a friendship for two decades even though she constantly proved she was not a friend because she had convinced me no one but her really liked me. She even tried to convince me that my husband moved of state to get away from me. GREAT FRIEND right? Every single failure in my life just served as confirmation of what I believed I was worthless and I was never going to be more than what I was no matter how hard I tried so WHY BOTHER?
I started living a double life . One where I was constantly self deprecating myself and another where I created all these surface relationships that gave people the illusion I was confident. I had imprisoned myself in my own destructive thoughts. Honestly no one has ever even supported them I have been told quite the opposite by the people who should have mattered.
I allowed ALL of my experiences to negatively impact me. So the truth is I did not give myself the chance to learn much. I self prophesied most of my failures. I willed them into existence. This kinda hatred generates anger, and my expectations of people were much too high. If they disappointed me I shut down. If they talked about me I blew up. I became known for my outbursts and it was something to this day I am not proud of. Every time someone criticized me it became my truth.
Up until recently all of my decisions have been fear-based. I probably have missed out on a lot of great things for fear of failure. It was easier to not try than to either fail or succeed and be held accountable for maintaining that image. So why the blog what's the point you ask? Well sometimes making yourself vulnerable allowing people to see side of you that you have kept hidden gives you insurmountable power.
I have lived in a prison of self hatred for 34 years and refused to turn 35 feeling the same way. There are so many ways to use your voice, I choose to speak of what was as a way to say NOW you have said it move on. What I have learned over the years are some very valuable lessons. You can have a reasonable dispute and maintain a relationship. It is OK to let go of "friends" once you have outgrown each other. It is OK to fail because even failure is success.
The good part to all of this is even though I gave up , I am blessed that the Universe did not give up on me. This means I always have a chance to change my view of the world and leave the footprint I was meant to leave. I started this with you never know a persons story. The funny part of it all is now that I see the world the way I should have always seen it, It is so much I want to do. It is almost a rush to the finish line. It is refreshing at this point to hear what people have to say about me good or bad and walk away and say their opinion does not define me AND ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT.
This blog was inspired by someone that said I wish I could be like you, you're always happy , your so successful you have an amazing spirit. I thought at the time BOY DO THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!! However I now realize that you can be an inspiration to others even when you can not inspire yourself. Your message won't apply for all, but for many it will. I am glad the world knocked me down so many times, one of those falls must have knocked some sense into me. I named my blog Lynne The Dreamer, because I believe that if you dream you always have something exciting to look forward to. It looks like a lot more than losing weight is happening for me on this 90 day Journey!!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Days 5 & 6 & 7 Body Rest and the Case of the Forgotten Lunch
In this beginning of this journey I prepared myself for a couple realities. Every day would not be easy, and every day would not be a success. I did not expect that reality to come to life in Days 5&6. Day 5 my body was really dealing with the residual of the pole fitness class! The day was not all wasted spent some time on the mental workout. I allowed myself to take a break WITHOUT beating myself up.
I also realized that a healthier life is not all about the work out. It is about enjoying the moment you are in. I did exactly that On Sunday Day 5. The Adams household decided to take a field trip!!! Where to you ask??? In this heat the MOVIES OF COURSE!!!! The day lead to a split decision on the moral behind Brave and a trip to Walmart. Nothing like a easy breezy day to make the day awesome. That means I should have been completely ready for Day 6 Riighhhhhtttt?
Day 6 came with errand running, and a trip to the most prestigious school in Denver for the little one !!! Does walking around the huge campus count as a work out? I will be proud to say that the lil one is AS smart as we thought. They thought she was a perfect fit for the school! However the $16,000 yearly tuition made us feel a little different.
The intent was to come home and work out, but things did not quite work out that way. The plants did not get watered, exercise did not happen. I didn't eat horrible , but the couch was my home till bed called me. NO WORRIES though tonight DAY 7 I am back on my work out plan and I can't wait to tell you all about it!!!!
Baked Chicken , Spinach and water already is making today a great success. Tomorrow let's try not to miss breakfast and lunch though!!!
I also realized that a healthier life is not all about the work out. It is about enjoying the moment you are in. I did exactly that On Sunday Day 5. The Adams household decided to take a field trip!!! Where to you ask??? In this heat the MOVIES OF COURSE!!!! The day lead to a split decision on the moral behind Brave and a trip to Walmart. Nothing like a easy breezy day to make the day awesome. That means I should have been completely ready for Day 6 Riighhhhhtttt?
Day 6 came with errand running, and a trip to the most prestigious school in Denver for the little one !!! Does walking around the huge campus count as a work out? I will be proud to say that the lil one is AS smart as we thought. They thought she was a perfect fit for the school! However the $16,000 yearly tuition made us feel a little different.
The intent was to come home and work out, but things did not quite work out that way. The plants did not get watered, exercise did not happen. I didn't eat horrible , but the couch was my home till bed called me. NO WORRIES though tonight DAY 7 I am back on my work out plan and I can't wait to tell you all about it!!!!
Baked Chicken , Spinach and water already is making today a great success. Tomorrow let's try not to miss breakfast and lunch though!!!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Day 3 & 4 A Lil Magic and a Date With A Pole
Hello all!!! The past few days have most definitely been active. I am truly enjoying this journey. As I said in earlier posts this is about so MUCH MORE than losing weight. This all started a few weeks ago when I realized I truly did not like the way I looked in my clothes. However I realized that it was more than just shedding the pounds it was about having a positive body image. When we have a healthy body image our mind and body work together as a team to support us in our daily lives.
What we see in the mirror is not always accurate. Often times our negative image of ourselves is distorted. Changing how we physically look can not only help us feel better about our bodies, but focusing on having a healthier body image will help us to have a connection with the body and the mind. Simply starting to take walks can make you feel better , and increase energy levels. IN ADDITION it's a great way to clear your head and IT'S FREE!!
In addition to exercise changing our diet can have a huge impact on how we feel. My personal goal is to treat my body with a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I will not force it to process unhealthy products such as large amounts of fats and excessive sweets. I will focus on getting the sufficient amount of sleep and I will set reasonable goals for myself.
What we see in the mirror is not always accurate. Often times our negative image of ourselves is distorted. Changing how we physically look can not only help us feel better about our bodies, but focusing on having a healthier body image will help us to have a connection with the body and the mind. Simply starting to take walks can make you feel better , and increase energy levels. IN ADDITION it's a great way to clear your head and IT'S FREE!!
In addition to exercise changing our diet can have a huge impact on how we feel. My personal goal is to treat my body with a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I will not force it to process unhealthy products such as large amounts of fats and excessive sweets. I will focus on getting the sufficient amount of sleep and I will set reasonable goals for myself.
WITH THAT SAID LET'S TALK ABOUT DAY 3 & 4 !!
By day 3 my body was pretty sore! I thought this would be a good day to take a break. So I decided to have a Girls Night Out. Nothing better than a little MAGIC to help you relax!!! We went to see Magic Mike and I admit I did make a few unhealthy eating decisions. It's something about that movie theater popcorn that get's me every time. I did not indulge though instead of having the medium drink with free refills and a popcorn to myself, the three of us decided to share that. I am already on the road to understanding the whole moderation thing. ( So that's what those mini cups are for lol!)
Day 4 WELL that was a different beast. With moving to Denver along came some other things HAIR LOSS. My hair has always been something I was proud of , so with it barely here now I have been feeling a little UNSEXY. Day 4 was centered around finding an activity that would make me feel sexy. I looked at the gym agenda and first thought was ZUMBA!!!! then I looked right below it and saw Date With a Pole a pole fitness class.
My idea behind this was I would take it easy on my body on day #4 and have a little fun. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!!! I got into class and it did everything but make me feel sexy, but I had tons of fun. That work out was amazing and I never realized how hard the whole pole thing really was . Apparently its purpose is for so much more than adult entertainment. It is a work out, people compete, this is pretty serious business. At the end of the class I got much more of a work out than I expected.
Today is Day #5 I already have more energy. I am hoping my body will get used to the work outs and not be so sore. I think today I will do just a little cardio on the treadmill and not push myself. I am determined to replace this pouch with a six pack!! Most importantly by the end of this journey I hope I learn how to truly respect my body for where it is no matter what the scale says ! Here is to a healthier mind and healthier body! Yayyyy Me.
Friday, July 13, 2012
IT WAS MEANT TO BE!!!
SO as most of you know 3 days ago I started a 90 day challenge! With NONE OTHER than MYSELF!
Today I go on Facebook and I see a simple 90 day challenge!!!! How exciting is that? So just in case you are wondering why I have decided to blog this journey let me tell you. I have never really struggled with weight. For most of my life I was a size 2. In my late 20's things took a turn and I begin to gain weight. I will be honest at first it was exciting for the first time in my life I had CURVES !!!
Things got harder as the weight begin to distribute in some unflattering places. I would work out, but my microwave mentality ( the need for immediate results) would get me to quit every time. One day I was complaining to my husband (he is awesome by the way) and he simply looked at me and said, "I think your beautiful. Could you shed some pounds SURE... can't we all , but you telling me you want to lose weight is not going to magically shed the pounds. If you want to lose weight WORK OUT!!!" So here I am making excuses about all the reasons that I did not have time to take care of my body ( and why I didn't want to give up my trips to the Cheesecake Factory) and it hit me! HE'S RIGHT If I want to see change I have to change it !!!! No more complaining , calling in tears from the fitting room at the end of the dressing room cause nothing fits right. No more self deprecating statements. It was time to be responsible for the change I wanted to see in my life.
For weeks I told myself I would start tomorrow without making an honest effort to do anything. Finally I said ENOUGH. Start something ANYTHING. Every day find a way to be active so for the past 2 days I have done that and I am in CAN'T STOP , WON'T STOP mode. My goal is to take the 90 days to focus on myself physically , spiritually and mentally. This means being conscious about the things I make a CHOICE to eat. The negativity I ALLOW to come out my mouth and lastly the physical transformation of my body. So for 90 days I will work out, speak a victory every day ( not in a conceited way) and spread this positive energy to all my lovely F'bookers that want it! I am accountable for me! Not a trainer, not a work out buddy but me! I think at the end of these 90 days I will have accomplished so much more than losing my desired weight!!!! So the QUESTION IS
WHO WANT'S TO JOIN IN THE FUN.... are you on for the 90 day challenge?
Today I go on Facebook and I see a simple 90 day challenge!!!! How exciting is that? So just in case you are wondering why I have decided to blog this journey let me tell you. I have never really struggled with weight. For most of my life I was a size 2. In my late 20's things took a turn and I begin to gain weight. I will be honest at first it was exciting for the first time in my life I had CURVES !!!
Things got harder as the weight begin to distribute in some unflattering places. I would work out, but my microwave mentality ( the need for immediate results) would get me to quit every time. One day I was complaining to my husband (he is awesome by the way) and he simply looked at me and said, "I think your beautiful. Could you shed some pounds SURE... can't we all , but you telling me you want to lose weight is not going to magically shed the pounds. If you want to lose weight WORK OUT!!!" So here I am making excuses about all the reasons that I did not have time to take care of my body ( and why I didn't want to give up my trips to the Cheesecake Factory) and it hit me! HE'S RIGHT If I want to see change I have to change it !!!! No more complaining , calling in tears from the fitting room at the end of the dressing room cause nothing fits right. No more self deprecating statements. It was time to be responsible for the change I wanted to see in my life.
For weeks I told myself I would start tomorrow without making an honest effort to do anything. Finally I said ENOUGH. Start something ANYTHING. Every day find a way to be active so for the past 2 days I have done that and I am in CAN'T STOP , WON'T STOP mode. My goal is to take the 90 days to focus on myself physically , spiritually and mentally. This means being conscious about the things I make a CHOICE to eat. The negativity I ALLOW to come out my mouth and lastly the physical transformation of my body. So for 90 days I will work out, speak a victory every day ( not in a conceited way) and spread this positive energy to all my lovely F'bookers that want it! I am accountable for me! Not a trainer, not a work out buddy but me! I think at the end of these 90 days I will have accomplished so much more than losing my desired weight!!!! So the QUESTION IS
WHO WANT'S TO JOIN IN THE FUN.... are you on for the 90 day challenge?
Thursday, July 12, 2012
DAY 2 !! Date with a Treadmill
We are on day #2!! I will say it went much better than day #1! I don't know if I am taking the right approach to this, but I am using the first week or two to focus on what I can accomplish. I will focus on pushing myself once I get into the routine of getting in the gym. I have to say I am satisfied with the progress of today. Yesterday was a walk around the track today was an hour in the gym.
I have to admit while rap is usually not my Pandora of choice a little Wocka Flocka and Lil Wayne go along way to get you hype in the gym.The picture of my preferred beach body on the treadmill helped a little too! I was proud that I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I also dedicated 30 minutes to legs and abs today. Must admit YA GIRL gotta little over zealous and tried to add more crunches and push ups when I got home. That was not as successful. I feel comfortable saying that Day #2 was a success.
I decided on a 90 day transformation. I don't have a lot to work on, but I have to be dedicated to it with Day #2 behind me I am ready to embark on ya know it!!!! DAY #3 !!!!
3 days down 87 days to go! I CAN DO THIS!!!!
I have to admit while rap is usually not my Pandora of choice a little Wocka Flocka and Lil Wayne go along way to get you hype in the gym.The picture of my preferred beach body on the treadmill helped a little too! I was proud that I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I also dedicated 30 minutes to legs and abs today. Must admit YA GIRL gotta little over zealous and tried to add more crunches and push ups when I got home. That was not as successful. I feel comfortable saying that Day #2 was a success.
I decided on a 90 day transformation. I don't have a lot to work on, but I have to be dedicated to it with Day #2 behind me I am ready to embark on ya know it!!!! DAY #3 !!!!
3 days down 87 days to go! I CAN DO THIS!!!!
Day 1 : Operation Flat Tummy
SO yesterday I decided , I would start my exercise plan , by just doing something. I got tired of making excuses and I realized if I wanted to lose weight I would have to work at it. The key I found is to do something you enjoy if it feels like work I won't do it! I also realized I had to set realistic goals or I would fail and become discouraged. So for DAY 1 I set the commitment to do SOMETHING every day. Walk, aerobics, swim but something. I also made the commitment to drink 64oz of water every day and cut out the sugary drinks. Well yesterday I did not get to do much, but I did walk around the track for 30 minutes, and start my water regimen. Lets say see what happens with day 2!
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