BELIEVE 2014

This year I decided I would not do New Year’s resolutions.  Honestly, by the third month I have pretty much failed on them all, then for the rest of the year I beat myself up for failing. 2013 was a mess of a year for me. While I am always blessed, every obstacle and roadblock seemed to come my way. Honestly there was more than one time where I just wanted to give up…..figuratively of course .

When a friend of mine blogged about picking a word for the year I thought it was brilliant. She encouraged others to do the same, so with that I have chosen my word. BELIEVE is my word for 2014.

The reality is I have been a very good actress. While others have believed I was confident, outgoing and happy. I have been quite the opposite. There were so many things I didn’t believe. I didn’t believe I was beautiful; therefore I didn’t take care of my appearance or shop for myself, or do anything that was in line with a person who believed they were important. 2014 I will believe in the beauty of me inside and out. 

I didn’t believe I was successful, due to the fact I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be at this time in my life. I am shedding that belief as well. I am as successful as I believe I am.  There is so much power in believing. When you believe things happen. It’s no surprise that because I focused so much on the negative that is exactly what was manifested in my life.

Resolutions are hard, and while I hope to set goals throughout the year, my one word will remain constant….BELIEVE. This year I choose to believe that all things are possible and 2014 is going to have some great things waiting for me.

The 30’s Dilemmas: You No Longer Have Plenty of Time

Remember, when you were in your 20’s and you were just living life to live? If you didn't have kids, the response was you have plenty of time. If you were career hopping, or uncertain of what you wanted to be when you “grew up”, you were told take your time. You will have your entire life to focus on your career.

Well not everyone had that advice, but I am sure many can relate.  Almost overnight you hit 30, and it is no longer acceptable to party Thursday- Sunday.

It’s kind of crazy, that in my 20’s I thought I had it all figured out. I wasn't actually doing anything to get there; I just figured it would all come together. I am certain I am not the only one with the same dilemma. I am no longer being told you have plenty of time.  I get the famous, “No kids, you better hurry up you aren't getting any younger.” I get the side eye when I say I am still entry level in my career. After all 3 degrees, and what should have been extensive experience and career development, I should be further ahead than that RIGHT?

I don’t say all this to self deprecate, and get a bunch of empty reassurance, but I say this to put out there's a 30’s trap we fall into and a way we got there. Sometimes just acknowledging you went the wrong direction can put you back on the right path. So what trap did you fall into?

THE MIRACLE

This is that moment in your life where you achieve spiritual clarity. Often times in the infancy stage we get a little delusional about how “blessings” really work. At least I know I did We put no real effort into planning our own lives; we are spiritually responsible with some false sense of religious loyalty and then subscribe to the fact that God is going to bless us with something we didn't actually work for.

Don’t you just love those people who are sitting back effortless waiting for God to deliver the miracle to their doorstep? When things go terribly wrong, then they defend their lack of progress with this is a test from God, or its coming, or the all famous the devil really trying to block blessings. Great way to take NO responsibility for what we contribute to our own successes and failures. 

When you move from this space you are devastated, because suddenly you realize I am responsible for my success. There is no imaginary source out there working to destroy you as you Facebook, instead of looking for a career. The devil isn’t trying to block you from a husband, but it’s a small possibility that the guy at the bar too drunk to remember your name is a good candidate.

DENIAL

I lived here for a while. This is when you actually convince yourself, you ARE doing everything you can to be successful. Then try to convince yourself, that since you are doing better than others ALSO doing badly, that you are actually in a good place. This is when you hear yourself saying things like, “It could be worse, I know others with less than me.” 

Well there will ALWAYS be people with less, but that’s no reason to not strive for more. Or to be honest with yourself and say “Hey I need to change my thinking if I want to be successful” I don’t know one single successful person, who got there by focusing on being complacent or continually making excuses.

THE EXCUSE MAKER 

Don’t you love this type! The one who says I am 30, but I had a bad life, or the man ....who is this man held me down. The famous of late, the economy is just so bad. I've even heard God told me this is where I need to be. Successes still happens in a bad economy, not all successful people were born with a silver spoon, matter fact, many had bad lives and that was their drive to be successful so they didn't have to continue to live with less.

The excuse maker will never take responsibility for their own decisions. It will always be some reason or someone who is responsible for their lack of success.

THE GUILTY ONE

This is the one I struggle with the most. Although I have been guilty of each one of these. The guilty one convinces themselves, they actually DON’T want or deserve more. They feel guilty saying I want to be rich, I want to be married, I want to have nice things, and I want a big home. Go back to the religious one, the desire for things makes them feel like they love God less.

They will actually try to convince themselves that they are horrendous for even speaking such desires out loud, so they overcompensate by reassuring people they are NOT materialistic. This is a horrible existence, because it is a constant internal battle, and you actually sabotage yourself, so that way the things you want are not even possible.

So which, one are you? I find at 36 people expect me to take my life goals more seriously. People judge you, by what you have NOT accomplished. It speaks to your drive. I also believe people are also able to better separate the talkers from the doers.

 I was told the amount of money you have in your savings account at 40 is very reflective of what you will have when you retire. If you don’t have a plan in place for retirement, investment and your overall future in your 30’s you more than likely WON’T ever have one.

What I am learning is you can’t just stop at the degree; you have to execute a life plan. It’s never too late, but as you get older the journey gets harder. In the end your success is UP TO YOU.

The American Dream

I remember being young with dreams. I also remember being told, stop all that dreaming, pick a real career, and have a back-up plan. As time passed, my dreams faded and my back up plan became my only plan. Do I think I was told wrong, NO.   I believe that society subscribed to the American Dream of work hard, go to school, get a job, get married , have a few kids, and maybe a dog and that will equal a good life.

As a person who also subscribed to this belief, I did just that. I went to school 3x’s over. Got multiple degrees, looked for the perfect job—you know the one with the perfect perks, and perfect pay still looking. Found a guy, got married, and became a step-mom, without the dog…. allergies wouldn't allow it.  

We got what society would be considered “good pay” and we lived what society would call a good life.

All the dreams of actress, writer, newscaster, talk show host, suddenly became ridiculously silly to me.  I found myself saying what were you thinking; you know a future like that isn't meant for you. Even though I wasn't sure why I didn't feel I deserved it.

Well, one day I looked at my bucket list over 30 wishes and wants, before I leave this place, and realized while some of these things I could accomplish, some of them I would never afford to be able to do. Now when I say afford, we automatically think I mean…. I will never have the money. Well not quite. Yes some things would be expensive, but time also came into play.

Right now, my husband and I work almost 24 hours a day between the both of us. With him on the night shift, me on the day shift we hardly see each other. I leave the house at 7am and return around 8pm, so even something as simple as gardening, I just don't have the time to do.

So what does that say when you work to enjoy life, but you have no time to enjoy those things OR, after you have paid all the bills you have little left?

Well religion will tell you, be blessed for what you have.Well you should always be thankful, but does that mean complacency is acceptable?

Workaholics will tell you, work harder. Well wouldn't that still leave you with less time?

Optimists will tell you, things will change just keep a positive attitude. Well, things only change, if you change them right?

All those suggestions probably leave the average American frustrated. The dream slowly becomes your living nightmare, your daily reality. A constant cross-road of, where do I go from here?

I really wish this blog had the solution for you, but honestly it comes down to choices.

Go back to the drawing board, start over and take chances. Make the best of your circumstances, get rid of the bucket list, it will only serve to depress you. OR….find a career that allows you to meet your family’s needs as well as give you more time to enjoy this one little life we get.  The last one is easier said than done, but probably the best decision to make.

What is your choice?  I am still on my cross-road. Commuting, 3 hours, working 8 and sometimes more literally leaves me with enough time to sleep. It’s not the best life, it’s not the worst. It’s the life I have today. I think it is these moments in our life, where we make the toughest, realist, most effective decisions. As I said you only get to do this thing called life ONCE….. so how will you live?

The American Dream , I have learned is just about as real as the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny. My biggest regret is not, chasing my dreams, not taking chances, and playing it safe. Now left, with a ridiculous amount of student loan debt, 40 hour work weeks, and sleep being defined as what I like to do in my free time I find myself ready to take a different leap….stay tuned.

Cancel Your Subscription

I was challenged to think of one thing I was holding on to that no longer served any purpose.  We all have those things right? A time in our life that we seem to reflect on, and wish it could have been different. We let that one moment define us. We use it as a platform for future failures. We have that one notion we subscribe to that motivates all of our decisions and fuels our excuses. Well today I decided to cancel my subscription!

Let me tell you about the day I hold on to. I remember it vividly…too vividly to be 35 years old. I was a senior in high school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unpopular either –or so I thought. I have great memories of high school and not so great ones, but what I remember most was the day I realized I would be dateless for senior prom. I believe that is a girl’s worst nightmare not to be asked.  IT WAS MY REALITY! Not a single person asked and when I realized maybe I should ask -even the nerds had a date. Total bummer, I felt like such a loser. How ugly do you have to be to not get asked to prom?

Well my mom tried to make it better; she got a co-worker to get his nephew to take me to prom. Side-note parents NEVER DO THIS! I felt like such a loser, my mom had to get me a prom date! He was cute though and we met a few weeks before, so we kind of started dating so it seemed SLIGHTLY real …NOT! In the end a few girl friends and my recruited prom escort decided to go together. No fancy car, no real date I truly was only going because people said I would regret it forever if I didn't. Well I am glad I went in the end. Wasn't the best prom, but hey memories are memories. Who knew that night I would be subscribing to my most expensive subscription to date.

That night I left prom with the belief I AM NOT WORTHY. No one likes me, not even enough to spend a couple hours with me. Self –Esteem was already not my high area, but this just sealed the notion that I was undesirable, unworthy and all around not worth noticing.  I didn't even self –reflect I just decided to keep myself safe from rejection from that point forward.

This idea of worthiness /unworthiness has cost me much more than a night without a date for senior prom. I went through life never TRYING for anything, because all I could see is rejection. Any opportunity that came before me, I passed up because I was certain someone out there was more suited than me for it. Why risk it. This has cost me a lot. I am sure there are others out there that can totally relate to the unnecessary subscriptions we take on in our lives.

So here is the deal why blog about it, why let people know all these intimate parts of my life? WELL …pretty simple. If I have all these experiences, ups and downs, highs and lows and don’t share them then what was the point? 

The only return on investment I can get from subscribing to the ridiculous notion that I am unworthy because I was not asked to prom, is to provide encouragement to someone else. SO what subscription can you cancel today? I no longer subscribe to the notion that I am unworthy. I am plenty worthy, and well loved.  Learning to love where you are, and where you are not is probably my most amazing accomplishment.  So who else is cancelling their subscription?

Finish What You Started: Notes From The Diary of a Serial Quitter

My life has a similar pattern in almost everything that I do. I quit.  If I start working out and don’t see results in a month I quit. If I try a diet and I get too hungry in a few days I quit.  If a job isn't working out the way I planned it to I quit. When life isn't being kind sometimes I just retreat to a dark place and say I QUIT.

Reality is, I quit because the thought of failing or not reaching my goal was much scarier to me than trying – not the best solution- but that is how I have learned to handle life.  What I have learned in the success that snuck through my habitual quitting is that if it was easy, everyone would have it.

So this leads to my newest journey. When I first heard about Game Changers Boot Camp, I came up with every excuse as to why it wouldn't work for me. Now before I say this in no ways am I trying to slam anyone’s hustle. This is about MY JOURNEY.

I looked for every short cut I could to avoid changing my life style. Shakes, wraps, extreme diets, pills, prayer, and the flu anything that would help me get to my goal weight. Of course this microwave mentality didn't get me far. 

We all want it NOW with minimal effort to get it. Have you ever had micro waved chicken? I promise you can do it and it is edible and fast. However we all can agree it will never taste as good as the properly seasoned, marinated grilled piece that took some time to prepare.

This is the same theory with our bodies.  Quality results take time. I am no expert on exercise I am simply an overweight girl who has ran out of short cuts and finally had to take accountability and control of my choices.  I don’t know it all because I have been in the gym for two weeks. What I do know is I am not quitting. I have a boot camp, yoga, some summer hikes and a 5k in my future.

I learned there is no magic solution. The solutions are getting out of your bed, working out and making healthy eating choices.  My body deserves my best.  So what does a person who has quit for 35 years do? Well I have decided to quit again, but this time I am going to quit, quitting. 

I am excited to see the results and I PROMISE in this wordy blog to reward my readers with a picture before and after when it is all done.  If you are already on track and you know what to do this blog isn't for you. However if you are an excuse maker  like me and overwhelmed with life’s curve balls then this might serve as an inspiration to you. 

I am excited to see what the next 3 months hold……quitting or no quitting I pledge to make my before and after my FACEBOOK profile picture on my birthday August 16. TALK ABOUT PRESSURE!!! So to my quitters, shortcut seekers and discouraged ones if I can do this you can to you just have to CHANGE THE GAME!

IF you are in Colorado I have that solution, best decision I made in my life and I am going to finish what I started.

Visit http://gamechangersbootcamp.com/ to learn more about the Game Changers Boot Camp I promise you will be happy you clicked on the link and enrolled in the class.

" Every journey begins with a single step, but you will never finish if you don't start"

I Customized My Blog!

Nothing special going on here today, other than I just figured out how to customize  my blog! I won't be applying to any high tech design companies soon, but I am pretty proud of this accomplishment. Now I have to get back to writing of course. As I always say life is a journey...today I guess an educational one.

Doing IT the Right Way Wrong.

For as long as I can remember, I was always told... go to school, get a degree and you will get a job. It seemed like a fail proof formula. Do it the right way and you will get the right results. So of course I took that journey. Along this journey I discovered a few things.
(1)There is no "fail proof" way to get on the success train.
(2) Life owes you nothing
(3) Nothing in life happens TO you

I hold multiple degrees and I have found it hard to find employment that is commensurate with the sweat equity put into getting those degrees. So can you expect another blog detailing how hard it is out here for the educated, multiple degree holders -- NOT TODAY -- today is about self accountability.

I recently started asking myself questions. Have you done everything you can to see the success you want to see? Did you make smart business decisions, or emotionally driven ones. Did I ask for promotions / raises when I felt I deserved them, and had the tangible results to support the request? Did I maximize all my opportunities?

It is often easy to complain about our lack of success and what holds us back vs. being accountable for the lack of effort we've put into writing the chapters of our lives. Realizing you are in control is a powerful tool. Of course there are injustices in the world. No one said life was easy -- we all have a story to tell-- however easy or hard it's your life to make of it what you can.

So what do you do when you grow up and discover you wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what you wanted to do instead of just doing it? Well life is all about second chances. Every day you wake up is an additional opportunity you have to reinvent yourself. Your degree not working out for you? Consider a career that will fulfill you. THERE IS NO RULE about career changing.

Do you have a dream you don't want to give up on, but you are not yielding any results? Well dream bigger and dream harder. Stop being ORDINARY, everyone is trying to get their foot through the door, try jumping through the window and yelling I'M HERE NOW LET'S DO THIS!!.... You know not to take that last piece of advice literally right????

I know I know who am I to tell you how to walk your path? Well this is advice from the chronically discouraged! I've had a million you cant's, you shouldn't , and even more you're insane handed down to me. I refuse to stop dreaming, why cause a person without a dream isn't much a of person at all. However dreams will remain dreams, unless you put them into action.

The only person who can truly get in your way is YOU-- so with that said-- LET'S DO THIS!!!! Don't matter how you start just start. If you find yourself going the wrong way on a one street, the easiest solution is to turn around and take another street.

You Don't Miss Whatcha Got Till It's Gone !!!!

I grew up in Detroit!!! 7 Mile ...where liquor stores, churches and hair salons were plentiful and shoot out's were not a surprise. Oddly enough I never really felt I was in danger. Despite getting robbed at the bus stop, despite a shoot out on my front lawn...( I wasn't involved) .Now don't get me wrong I don't miss any of that !!!! What I do miss......MY STYLIST.

I never thought about what it would be like to grow up in a world where I didn't have options. HAIR OPTIONS that is. Detroit is full of talented individuals ready to get their hands on your tresses....Detroit doesn't just do hair they do works of art!!!

Its a distant memory, but I remember walking out the salon swinging my hair  feeling beautiful and looking for a place to go. I remember being stopped in stores because they needed to know WHO DID MY HAIR....anything you needed to know you could find out at the salon! She was your stylist, your therapist and even sometimes a preacher . Come on the right day you could get the latest cd's , a rib dinner and a movie too.

Coming to Colorado has been amazing, but it has also been a challenge. I have met some wonderful ladies. I've had some wonderful opportunities . It's not all bad , but I tell you I miss being able to pick a reasonable spot to get my hair done. Here it's a day trip and don't fall out with a stylist if you find one because they are not easy to find!!! White stylist, black stylist , any other stylist it doesn't matter it seems like they just don't know how to handle MY hair...maybe Detroit spoiled me.

So I guess Im on a quest of learning. With a kid, a husband and a job finding ME time just isn't as easy as it used to be. So versus getting depressed ( cause that will solve nothing) I will make this yet another journey. So...my hair is shedding like a poor unkept dog...guess 1st step find some good product! Next step find some time.... pampering at home  may not be like the salon, but I might just be on to something if I can find a way to keep my hair healthy , beautiful and dyed... salt and pepper aint sexy at 35....I will find a new sense of satisifaction in knowing I never have to LOOK for another stylist again.

If all else fails...I guess I can invest in some sexy wigs! Either way Im still fabulous...."Gone with the wind fabulous that is..." Twirling off catch you guys on the next blog!

Gotta love my crazy fabulous life !!!!