Cancel Your Subscription

I was challenged to think of one thing I was holding on to that no longer served any purpose.  We all have those things right? A time in our life that we seem to reflect on, and wish it could have been different. We let that one moment define us. We use it as a platform for future failures. We have that one notion we subscribe to that motivates all of our decisions and fuels our excuses. Well today I decided to cancel my subscription!

Let me tell you about the day I hold on to. I remember it vividly…too vividly to be 35 years old. I was a senior in high school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unpopular either –or so I thought. I have great memories of high school and not so great ones, but what I remember most was the day I realized I would be dateless for senior prom. I believe that is a girl’s worst nightmare not to be asked.  IT WAS MY REALITY! Not a single person asked and when I realized maybe I should ask -even the nerds had a date. Total bummer, I felt like such a loser. How ugly do you have to be to not get asked to prom?

Well my mom tried to make it better; she got a co-worker to get his nephew to take me to prom. Side-note parents NEVER DO THIS! I felt like such a loser, my mom had to get me a prom date! He was cute though and we met a few weeks before, so we kind of started dating so it seemed SLIGHTLY real …NOT! In the end a few girl friends and my recruited prom escort decided to go together. No fancy car, no real date I truly was only going because people said I would regret it forever if I didn't. Well I am glad I went in the end. Wasn't the best prom, but hey memories are memories. Who knew that night I would be subscribing to my most expensive subscription to date.

That night I left prom with the belief I AM NOT WORTHY. No one likes me, not even enough to spend a couple hours with me. Self –Esteem was already not my high area, but this just sealed the notion that I was undesirable, unworthy and all around not worth noticing.  I didn't even self –reflect I just decided to keep myself safe from rejection from that point forward.

This idea of worthiness /unworthiness has cost me much more than a night without a date for senior prom. I went through life never TRYING for anything, because all I could see is rejection. Any opportunity that came before me, I passed up because I was certain someone out there was more suited than me for it. Why risk it. This has cost me a lot. I am sure there are others out there that can totally relate to the unnecessary subscriptions we take on in our lives.

So here is the deal why blog about it, why let people know all these intimate parts of my life? WELL …pretty simple. If I have all these experiences, ups and downs, highs and lows and don’t share them then what was the point? 

The only return on investment I can get from subscribing to the ridiculous notion that I am unworthy because I was not asked to prom, is to provide encouragement to someone else. SO what subscription can you cancel today? I no longer subscribe to the notion that I am unworthy. I am plenty worthy, and well loved.  Learning to love where you are, and where you are not is probably my most amazing accomplishment.  So who else is cancelling their subscription?