UNSTOPPABLE

Last year a friend made a suggestion to focus on a word for the new year vs. resolutions. Let's face it a word is much more obtainable. For years I made resolutions, most of which I abandoned before the 1st quarter of the year was out. I would consistently write down a list of 10 to 15 things I would change or improve upon.  There were a few that would sneak their way on the list every year. Lose weight, pay off debt, find a hobby etc. We call them goals ...but let's face it's just a very creative way to place unrealistic expectations on  ourselves. There is nothing wrong with creating a list of wishes and wants, but what I learned is I placed these insane expectations on myself .

When the clock strikes midnight the only thing that really has changed is the time. It's a new year , but if you have not LEARNED anything, CHANGED your way of thinking or GROWN from your experiences, I guarantee you won't accomplish any of the resolutions you set up for yourself.

Last year my word was BELIEVE...and boy was I tested. I spent the entire year believing. There were times I wanted to stop believing . ( Journey would have been disappointed)  I committed to not straying from the belief that no matter what ,it was all going to be OK, and ultimately it was. So what  how did I learn, change and grow?

I LEARNED.. that not everything will go the way you want it to go. Even when you think it you have it all figured out, life has a way of sneaking up on you and throwing a curve ball. I learned that people will disappoint you, not because they don't love you, but because they are people and they have their own issues. They are not perfect...but hey neither am I. I learned that it's OK to make mistakes, or be imperfect. There is nothing wrong with doing something you regret, just try not to repeat the behavior. I learned that life is in cycles good and bad are a part of it. It's not always the devil, or God sometimes IT IS MORE than you can handle, but handle it anyway. I promise time tells a story, and with time there is always a resolution ALWAYS.

I also learned that just because my beliefs have shifted doesn't make me a bad person. I spent most of the year thinking I was a bad Christian because prayers, the bible and church wasn't giving me the comfort and peace I  needed. What I learned by the end of the year was that was not what God's plan for me was. He was sending me on journey of self discovery. He needed me to FIND  my own peace, and self accountability  and boy did I!

I learned that you really are responsible for you.

I CHANGED.. I have spent a great deal of my life looking for acceptance from others. Wanting closer friendships, and to be loved and accepted. I spent most of my life really hating the ME I was trying desperately to be someone else ANYONE else. How can you connect with others if you are not authentic?

2014 that changed I learned to embrace me, the good, the bad , the ugly, I am emotional, and sensitive. My feelings are hurt easily. I am scared A LOT, but I am also loving, and giving, funny in my own quirky way and loyal to those I love. When disappointed I don't always handle it the best way , but I am working on it. The fact that I own it and all of it is growth in itself.

I stopped waiting for God to "bless" me and really focused on all the great things I had going on in my life. I discovered meditation, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Through this I was able to find my peace. TRUE peace , not the fake it and hope people don't see through it stuff.

I changed because I starting caring less about the friends I didn't have . It hurt that this year I REALLY needed friends, and naturally I reached out to the ones who I had been there for. I discovered many of them were not there the way I needed them to be. I was bitter ....but through change I LEARNED that wasn't their job. Everyone doesn't have to ride your journey with you. The journey is for you. They really helped me because I begin to enjoy my own company. I also learned to take my own advice vs. looking for counsel and validation from others. There is power in choosing what life is best for you.

I have GROWN.. I learned that everything I need is already in me. I don't have to wait for it, pray for it, wish for it, it is there. I know now that pain is a part of life , but understanding pain makes you truly value joy. I have grown to the point where I really don't care what people think. This is going to look different for some. I probably won't be that person giving all of me and then some when I am needed. I am too busy loving on me. This is something I didn't do before. I thought if I loved people more and loved me less they would fill the gap. Again this is not their responsibility. So people will find me using the word NO a lot more often. This was something that needed to happen a long time ago.

In all of this I have come away with what I feel is amazing knowledge.

1. Love is a choice...a daily choice.
2.Living moment to moment is much easier than living day to day
3. If you don't make a plan for your life , then life will make a plan for you.....but you don't get to complain about it.
4. Every second you get to make a different choice.  I no longer worry about the morning in the afternoon, The morning is over, if it wasn't great I focus on making the afternoon better and the evening amazing. It really is that simple.

Overall, I know people might be surprised to hear my year was FREAKING  amazing ! I learned how to let it all go and just live and enjoy whatever life has to throw my way. I found peace, I learned how to love myself and I learned that what other people think about you is really not YOUR problem. I have no complaints about my year. 2014 was one heck of a ride, but I survived it because I BELIEVED I would.

So this year my word is UNSTOPPABLE...no explanation needed just watch me in action.


Happy New Years Loves!!

Keeping IT REAL

One of the biggest things  out of my comfort zone to date I have decided to do is embrace the natural texture of my hair.  Women, black women specifically hold a great source of self esteem in the appearance of our tresses.

When making this decision, I decided to go a step beyond being natural. I also wanted to embrace the luxury of being versatile with my hair. Meaning if i want to wear it straight I do, if I want to be happy kinky and curly I can, if I want to be weavetastic have at it. Whatever I want to do I can without being identified as less than or more than because of my hair.

My decision was based off a morning where I woke up at 4:00 a.m. to straighten my hair for a presentation  because I didn't think I would look professional if I didn't. At some point I had been taught the "natural" texture of my hair was unprofessional.

That morning I decided that I would focus on embracing MY texture, as well as focusing on healthy hair vs. straight. I encourage  all women to take this journey of acceptance with their hair. The fun in finding sexy, fun and sassy ways to wear your own hair can be a very liberating journey. 

I remember a  time where if my hair was a mess it would ruin my entire day. I have recalled times where I even called into work because I didn't feel presentable with hair that wasn't bone straight. The wonderful thing in this process is not being afraid of the water and rain anymore. Water has actually become a friend, and while I am still learning all the ins and outs I will chart my journey as a way to encourage others to embrace their personal hair journey. 

Our hair is not who we are, but how we love and care for our bodies and our hair are reflections of how we feel about ourselves and our culture. Good hair is healthy hair! People can try to put you in a box, but it is you who chooses whether or not you want to stay in it.

BELIEVE 2014

This year I decided I would not do New Year’s resolutions.  Honestly, by the third month I have pretty much failed on them all, then for the rest of the year I beat myself up for failing. 2013 was a mess of a year for me. While I am always blessed, every obstacle and roadblock seemed to come my way. Honestly there was more than one time where I just wanted to give up…..figuratively of course .

When a friend of mine blogged about picking a word for the year I thought it was brilliant. She encouraged others to do the same, so with that I have chosen my word. BELIEVE is my word for 2014.

The reality is I have been a very good actress. While others have believed I was confident, outgoing and happy. I have been quite the opposite. There were so many things I didn’t believe. I didn’t believe I was beautiful; therefore I didn’t take care of my appearance or shop for myself, or do anything that was in line with a person who believed they were important. 2014 I will believe in the beauty of me inside and out. 

I didn’t believe I was successful, due to the fact I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be at this time in my life. I am shedding that belief as well. I am as successful as I believe I am.  There is so much power in believing. When you believe things happen. It’s no surprise that because I focused so much on the negative that is exactly what was manifested in my life.

Resolutions are hard, and while I hope to set goals throughout the year, my one word will remain constant….BELIEVE. This year I choose to believe that all things are possible and 2014 is going to have some great things waiting for me.

The 30’s Dilemmas: You No Longer Have Plenty of Time

Remember, when you were in your 20’s and you were just living life to live? If you didn't have kids, the response was you have plenty of time. If you were career hopping, or uncertain of what you wanted to be when you “grew up”, you were told take your time. You will have your entire life to focus on your career.

Well not everyone had that advice, but I am sure many can relate.  Almost overnight you hit 30, and it is no longer acceptable to party Thursday- Sunday.

It’s kind of crazy, that in my 20’s I thought I had it all figured out. I wasn't actually doing anything to get there; I just figured it would all come together. I am certain I am not the only one with the same dilemma. I am no longer being told you have plenty of time.  I get the famous, “No kids, you better hurry up you aren't getting any younger.” I get the side eye when I say I am still entry level in my career. After all 3 degrees, and what should have been extensive experience and career development, I should be further ahead than that RIGHT?

I don’t say all this to self deprecate, and get a bunch of empty reassurance, but I say this to put out there's a 30’s trap we fall into and a way we got there. Sometimes just acknowledging you went the wrong direction can put you back on the right path. So what trap did you fall into?

THE MIRACLE

This is that moment in your life where you achieve spiritual clarity. Often times in the infancy stage we get a little delusional about how “blessings” really work. At least I know I did We put no real effort into planning our own lives; we are spiritually responsible with some false sense of religious loyalty and then subscribe to the fact that God is going to bless us with something we didn't actually work for.

Don’t you just love those people who are sitting back effortless waiting for God to deliver the miracle to their doorstep? When things go terribly wrong, then they defend their lack of progress with this is a test from God, or its coming, or the all famous the devil really trying to block blessings. Great way to take NO responsibility for what we contribute to our own successes and failures. 

When you move from this space you are devastated, because suddenly you realize I am responsible for my success. There is no imaginary source out there working to destroy you as you Facebook, instead of looking for a career. The devil isn’t trying to block you from a husband, but it’s a small possibility that the guy at the bar too drunk to remember your name is a good candidate.

DENIAL

I lived here for a while. This is when you actually convince yourself, you ARE doing everything you can to be successful. Then try to convince yourself, that since you are doing better than others ALSO doing badly, that you are actually in a good place. This is when you hear yourself saying things like, “It could be worse, I know others with less than me.” 

Well there will ALWAYS be people with less, but that’s no reason to not strive for more. Or to be honest with yourself and say “Hey I need to change my thinking if I want to be successful” I don’t know one single successful person, who got there by focusing on being complacent or continually making excuses.

THE EXCUSE MAKER 

Don’t you love this type! The one who says I am 30, but I had a bad life, or the man ....who is this man held me down. The famous of late, the economy is just so bad. I've even heard God told me this is where I need to be. Successes still happens in a bad economy, not all successful people were born with a silver spoon, matter fact, many had bad lives and that was their drive to be successful so they didn't have to continue to live with less.

The excuse maker will never take responsibility for their own decisions. It will always be some reason or someone who is responsible for their lack of success.

THE GUILTY ONE

This is the one I struggle with the most. Although I have been guilty of each one of these. The guilty one convinces themselves, they actually DON’T want or deserve more. They feel guilty saying I want to be rich, I want to be married, I want to have nice things, and I want a big home. Go back to the religious one, the desire for things makes them feel like they love God less.

They will actually try to convince themselves that they are horrendous for even speaking such desires out loud, so they overcompensate by reassuring people they are NOT materialistic. This is a horrible existence, because it is a constant internal battle, and you actually sabotage yourself, so that way the things you want are not even possible.

So which, one are you? I find at 36 people expect me to take my life goals more seriously. People judge you, by what you have NOT accomplished. It speaks to your drive. I also believe people are also able to better separate the talkers from the doers.

 I was told the amount of money you have in your savings account at 40 is very reflective of what you will have when you retire. If you don’t have a plan in place for retirement, investment and your overall future in your 30’s you more than likely WON’T ever have one.

What I am learning is you can’t just stop at the degree; you have to execute a life plan. It’s never too late, but as you get older the journey gets harder. In the end your success is UP TO YOU.

The American Dream

I remember being young with dreams. I also remember being told, stop all that dreaming, pick a real career, and have a back-up plan. As time passed, my dreams faded and my back up plan became my only plan. Do I think I was told wrong, NO.   I believe that society subscribed to the American Dream of work hard, go to school, get a job, get married , have a few kids, and maybe a dog and that will equal a good life.

As a person who also subscribed to this belief, I did just that. I went to school 3x’s over. Got multiple degrees, looked for the perfect job—you know the one with the perfect perks, and perfect pay still looking. Found a guy, got married, and became a step-mom, without the dog…. allergies wouldn't allow it.  

We got what society would be considered “good pay” and we lived what society would call a good life.

All the dreams of actress, writer, newscaster, talk show host, suddenly became ridiculously silly to me.  I found myself saying what were you thinking; you know a future like that isn't meant for you. Even though I wasn't sure why I didn't feel I deserved it.

Well, one day I looked at my bucket list over 30 wishes and wants, before I leave this place, and realized while some of these things I could accomplish, some of them I would never afford to be able to do. Now when I say afford, we automatically think I mean…. I will never have the money. Well not quite. Yes some things would be expensive, but time also came into play.

Right now, my husband and I work almost 24 hours a day between the both of us. With him on the night shift, me on the day shift we hardly see each other. I leave the house at 7am and return around 8pm, so even something as simple as gardening, I just don't have the time to do.

So what does that say when you work to enjoy life, but you have no time to enjoy those things OR, after you have paid all the bills you have little left?

Well religion will tell you, be blessed for what you have.Well you should always be thankful, but does that mean complacency is acceptable?

Workaholics will tell you, work harder. Well wouldn't that still leave you with less time?

Optimists will tell you, things will change just keep a positive attitude. Well, things only change, if you change them right?

All those suggestions probably leave the average American frustrated. The dream slowly becomes your living nightmare, your daily reality. A constant cross-road of, where do I go from here?

I really wish this blog had the solution for you, but honestly it comes down to choices.

Go back to the drawing board, start over and take chances. Make the best of your circumstances, get rid of the bucket list, it will only serve to depress you. OR….find a career that allows you to meet your family’s needs as well as give you more time to enjoy this one little life we get.  The last one is easier said than done, but probably the best decision to make.

What is your choice?  I am still on my cross-road. Commuting, 3 hours, working 8 and sometimes more literally leaves me with enough time to sleep. It’s not the best life, it’s not the worst. It’s the life I have today. I think it is these moments in our life, where we make the toughest, realist, most effective decisions. As I said you only get to do this thing called life ONCE….. so how will you live?

The American Dream , I have learned is just about as real as the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny. My biggest regret is not, chasing my dreams, not taking chances, and playing it safe. Now left, with a ridiculous amount of student loan debt, 40 hour work weeks, and sleep being defined as what I like to do in my free time I find myself ready to take a different leap….stay tuned.

Cancel Your Subscription

I was challenged to think of one thing I was holding on to that no longer served any purpose.  We all have those things right? A time in our life that we seem to reflect on, and wish it could have been different. We let that one moment define us. We use it as a platform for future failures. We have that one notion we subscribe to that motivates all of our decisions and fuels our excuses. Well today I decided to cancel my subscription!

Let me tell you about the day I hold on to. I remember it vividly…too vividly to be 35 years old. I was a senior in high school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unpopular either –or so I thought. I have great memories of high school and not so great ones, but what I remember most was the day I realized I would be dateless for senior prom. I believe that is a girl’s worst nightmare not to be asked.  IT WAS MY REALITY! Not a single person asked and when I realized maybe I should ask -even the nerds had a date. Total bummer, I felt like such a loser. How ugly do you have to be to not get asked to prom?

Well my mom tried to make it better; she got a co-worker to get his nephew to take me to prom. Side-note parents NEVER DO THIS! I felt like such a loser, my mom had to get me a prom date! He was cute though and we met a few weeks before, so we kind of started dating so it seemed SLIGHTLY real …NOT! In the end a few girl friends and my recruited prom escort decided to go together. No fancy car, no real date I truly was only going because people said I would regret it forever if I didn't. Well I am glad I went in the end. Wasn't the best prom, but hey memories are memories. Who knew that night I would be subscribing to my most expensive subscription to date.

That night I left prom with the belief I AM NOT WORTHY. No one likes me, not even enough to spend a couple hours with me. Self –Esteem was already not my high area, but this just sealed the notion that I was undesirable, unworthy and all around not worth noticing.  I didn't even self –reflect I just decided to keep myself safe from rejection from that point forward.

This idea of worthiness /unworthiness has cost me much more than a night without a date for senior prom. I went through life never TRYING for anything, because all I could see is rejection. Any opportunity that came before me, I passed up because I was certain someone out there was more suited than me for it. Why risk it. This has cost me a lot. I am sure there are others out there that can totally relate to the unnecessary subscriptions we take on in our lives.

So here is the deal why blog about it, why let people know all these intimate parts of my life? WELL …pretty simple. If I have all these experiences, ups and downs, highs and lows and don’t share them then what was the point? 

The only return on investment I can get from subscribing to the ridiculous notion that I am unworthy because I was not asked to prom, is to provide encouragement to someone else. SO what subscription can you cancel today? I no longer subscribe to the notion that I am unworthy. I am plenty worthy, and well loved.  Learning to love where you are, and where you are not is probably my most amazing accomplishment.  So who else is cancelling their subscription?

Finish What You Started: Notes From The Diary of a Serial Quitter

My life has a similar pattern in almost everything that I do. I quit.  If I start working out and don’t see results in a month I quit. If I try a diet and I get too hungry in a few days I quit.  If a job isn't working out the way I planned it to I quit. When life isn't being kind sometimes I just retreat to a dark place and say I QUIT.

Reality is, I quit because the thought of failing or not reaching my goal was much scarier to me than trying – not the best solution- but that is how I have learned to handle life.  What I have learned in the success that snuck through my habitual quitting is that if it was easy, everyone would have it.

So this leads to my newest journey. When I first heard about Game Changers Boot Camp, I came up with every excuse as to why it wouldn't work for me. Now before I say this in no ways am I trying to slam anyone’s hustle. This is about MY JOURNEY.

I looked for every short cut I could to avoid changing my life style. Shakes, wraps, extreme diets, pills, prayer, and the flu anything that would help me get to my goal weight. Of course this microwave mentality didn't get me far. 

We all want it NOW with minimal effort to get it. Have you ever had micro waved chicken? I promise you can do it and it is edible and fast. However we all can agree it will never taste as good as the properly seasoned, marinated grilled piece that took some time to prepare.

This is the same theory with our bodies.  Quality results take time. I am no expert on exercise I am simply an overweight girl who has ran out of short cuts and finally had to take accountability and control of my choices.  I don’t know it all because I have been in the gym for two weeks. What I do know is I am not quitting. I have a boot camp, yoga, some summer hikes and a 5k in my future.

I learned there is no magic solution. The solutions are getting out of your bed, working out and making healthy eating choices.  My body deserves my best.  So what does a person who has quit for 35 years do? Well I have decided to quit again, but this time I am going to quit, quitting. 

I am excited to see the results and I PROMISE in this wordy blog to reward my readers with a picture before and after when it is all done.  If you are already on track and you know what to do this blog isn't for you. However if you are an excuse maker  like me and overwhelmed with life’s curve balls then this might serve as an inspiration to you. 

I am excited to see what the next 3 months hold……quitting or no quitting I pledge to make my before and after my FACEBOOK profile picture on my birthday August 16. TALK ABOUT PRESSURE!!! So to my quitters, shortcut seekers and discouraged ones if I can do this you can to you just have to CHANGE THE GAME!

IF you are in Colorado I have that solution, best decision I made in my life and I am going to finish what I started.

Visit http://gamechangersbootcamp.com/ to learn more about the Game Changers Boot Camp I promise you will be happy you clicked on the link and enrolled in the class.

" Every journey begins with a single step, but you will never finish if you don't start"

I Customized My Blog!

Nothing special going on here today, other than I just figured out how to customize  my blog! I won't be applying to any high tech design companies soon, but I am pretty proud of this accomplishment. Now I have to get back to writing of course. As I always say life is a journey...today I guess an educational one.

Doing IT the Right Way Wrong.

For as long as I can remember, I was always told... go to school, get a degree and you will get a job. It seemed like a fail proof formula. Do it the right way and you will get the right results. So of course I took that journey. Along this journey I discovered a few things.
(1)There is no "fail proof" way to get on the success train.
(2) Life owes you nothing
(3) Nothing in life happens TO you

I hold multiple degrees and I have found it hard to find employment that is commensurate with the sweat equity put into getting those degrees. So can you expect another blog detailing how hard it is out here for the educated, multiple degree holders -- NOT TODAY -- today is about self accountability.

I recently started asking myself questions. Have you done everything you can to see the success you want to see? Did you make smart business decisions, or emotionally driven ones. Did I ask for promotions / raises when I felt I deserved them, and had the tangible results to support the request? Did I maximize all my opportunities?

It is often easy to complain about our lack of success and what holds us back vs. being accountable for the lack of effort we've put into writing the chapters of our lives. Realizing you are in control is a powerful tool. Of course there are injustices in the world. No one said life was easy -- we all have a story to tell-- however easy or hard it's your life to make of it what you can.

So what do you do when you grow up and discover you wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what you wanted to do instead of just doing it? Well life is all about second chances. Every day you wake up is an additional opportunity you have to reinvent yourself. Your degree not working out for you? Consider a career that will fulfill you. THERE IS NO RULE about career changing.

Do you have a dream you don't want to give up on, but you are not yielding any results? Well dream bigger and dream harder. Stop being ORDINARY, everyone is trying to get their foot through the door, try jumping through the window and yelling I'M HERE NOW LET'S DO THIS!!.... You know not to take that last piece of advice literally right????

I know I know who am I to tell you how to walk your path? Well this is advice from the chronically discouraged! I've had a million you cant's, you shouldn't , and even more you're insane handed down to me. I refuse to stop dreaming, why cause a person without a dream isn't much a of person at all. However dreams will remain dreams, unless you put them into action.

The only person who can truly get in your way is YOU-- so with that said-- LET'S DO THIS!!!! Don't matter how you start just start. If you find yourself going the wrong way on a one street, the easiest solution is to turn around and take another street.

You Don't Miss Whatcha Got Till It's Gone !!!!

I grew up in Detroit!!! 7 Mile ...where liquor stores, churches and hair salons were plentiful and shoot out's were not a surprise. Oddly enough I never really felt I was in danger. Despite getting robbed at the bus stop, despite a shoot out on my front lawn...( I wasn't involved) .Now don't get me wrong I don't miss any of that !!!! What I do miss......MY STYLIST.

I never thought about what it would be like to grow up in a world where I didn't have options. HAIR OPTIONS that is. Detroit is full of talented individuals ready to get their hands on your tresses....Detroit doesn't just do hair they do works of art!!!

Its a distant memory, but I remember walking out the salon swinging my hair  feeling beautiful and looking for a place to go. I remember being stopped in stores because they needed to know WHO DID MY HAIR....anything you needed to know you could find out at the salon! She was your stylist, your therapist and even sometimes a preacher . Come on the right day you could get the latest cd's , a rib dinner and a movie too.

Coming to Colorado has been amazing, but it has also been a challenge. I have met some wonderful ladies. I've had some wonderful opportunities . It's not all bad , but I tell you I miss being able to pick a reasonable spot to get my hair done. Here it's a day trip and don't fall out with a stylist if you find one because they are not easy to find!!! White stylist, black stylist , any other stylist it doesn't matter it seems like they just don't know how to handle MY hair...maybe Detroit spoiled me.

So I guess Im on a quest of learning. With a kid, a husband and a job finding ME time just isn't as easy as it used to be. So versus getting depressed ( cause that will solve nothing) I will make this yet another journey. So...my hair is shedding like a poor unkept dog...guess 1st step find some good product! Next step find some time.... pampering at home  may not be like the salon, but I might just be on to something if I can find a way to keep my hair healthy , beautiful and dyed... salt and pepper aint sexy at 35....I will find a new sense of satisifaction in knowing I never have to LOOK for another stylist again.

If all else fails...I guess I can invest in some sexy wigs! Either way Im still fabulous...."Gone with the wind fabulous that is..." Twirling off catch you guys on the next blog!

Gotta love my crazy fabulous life !!!!

2012 The Year Of Transition

AS WE END OUR YEAR many of us our making New Years resolutions. Some of us are just making plans  to party. Whichever category you fall into the reality is today is the last day of 2012. This was a year of transition for me. So many changes  and major shifts in my life . Some were good, some were bad and some where just different.

JANUARY - The year started out discouraging. My temp job at  All State Insurance had been terminated with no real reason or notice. I was not sure what I would do. I was given a new temp assignment making three dollars  less than the fifteen I was making.  I was sent to an assisted living apartment complex to file. I remember the first  day when lunch came I walked outside and called my fiance and BAWLED ! Was this the reward for all my hard work , schooling and courage to move to a new state with the man I loved? I quickly begin feeling like this was a bad move!

I worked there for a month before getting a call for a job interview at the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center. The entire office was cheering me on. They wanted me to get the job. I wanted  the job. I went for two interviews and YES FINALLY I was given the opportunity to work a job in my field. I was excited. In the beginning I didn't want to work the temp job, but while there I met some really great ladies that would soon become friends!

FEBRUARY- Started a new chapter in my life . A NEW JOB I was making MORE than what I made at the temp job who terminated the assignment with no notice in December. It was also much more exciting than evaluating roofing claims. I was back in my element.

I was in the process  of planning a wedding for the following month, decorating a new office and getting to know what seemed like some pretty cool coworkers! Things were officially starting to come together. This was a great time and cause for celebration.

MARCH-  Was  perhaps my biggest transition of all! March 25, 2012 I changed  the last name I had for 34 years ! I became Lynnette Marie Adams , the wife of Dorne Anthony Adams Jr.

The month seemed surreal. I could  not believe the time had finally come. We  took a road  trip to California. I would love to say my wedding was  perfect and everything I imagined it would be.........but that was not the case. California was cold. It was colder in San Diego than both Detroit and Colorado. On my wedding day it rained so hard (that was the only day it rained) that my magical bay side wedding had to be relocated inside to a hotel ballroom to avoid what seemed like a Tsunami.

It was beautiful nonetheless, but I was sad that mother nature had her final say and impeded on my lifelong dream of a wedding off the water, BUT what can I say the groom was handsome the bride was beautiful and Paradise Point Island Resort and Spa was AMAZING! My event planner rocked and the day still was fabulous!!

The hubby and I continued our road trip honeymooning in Los Angeles , dining at Mr. Chows...I don't care what anyone says the food is overpriced. We ended in Las Vegas staying at the wonderful Palms Place hotel. It was even a little cold in Las Vegas in MARCH!!! What was going on????? Either way we  had fun and had to return back to the real world !!

APRIL- Back to the real world ! Both my husband and I had new jobs. The bad news was my NEW husband was starting a job that required him to work the MIDNIGHT SHIFT...great timing right? He was working an hour away from home and I was working in the opposite direction, so where  would our new home be????

MAY- This was a month of adjustment . I was adjusting to my husbands new schedule. I was learning on my job. We were learning each other. WHO SAID...things don't change when you get married? Toward the end of May I got some news I definitely was not expecting. Not even 90 days into being a new wife, my husband informed me his 5 year old would be moving out there FULL TIME making me what??????? A FULL TIME MOTHER!!!!  Talk about scared....I had to do a crash course on becoming a parent to a little person. I read every book I could, Googled sites on parenting. I was not ready!!!! However there were no options and so I had a month to get used to the idea and prepare.

JUNE- We moved into our new place. Our new home was in Highlands Ranch, Co. and my new kid was coming. I had the pleasure  of having my mom and my aunt out to help me get everything together ! All i can say is June was tough. Everything had changed . We had went from a single engaged couple hanging with our couple friends having drinks and staying out late TO being parents , no dates, pg (Pixar) movies and early bedtimes!!! Talk about transition.

JULY-The transition continues! Growing pains, preparing for first grade and learning more on the job. Every life change that could happen ( new job, new state, marriage, children) all happened in a matter of months!

AUGUST- Was the month of hard goodbyes for me. I found out my grandmother was gravely ill. Sadly a day after my 35th birthday I lost my grandmother. I have to admit this is still something very hard for me to digest and deal with. I traveled back home to say good bye to my grandmother one of the hardest flights in my life. One day after returning to Colorado my husbands grandfather died. Back to Detroit we go this time driving me , him and the little one.

SEPTEMBER- Things were starting to get back to normal. I was rocking out at my new job. I had things to look forward to. I was making friends and getting to know my town! I was making my apartment a home. I was room mom so becoming active in school and still trying to adjust to being a wife!

OCTOBER-MY FIRST HALLOWEEN IN COLORADO!!! We took the kid trick or treating with friends, but for the most part October was a quiet month. I was finally adjusting to the shift, and everything seemed to be coming together.

NOVEMBER-Our first Thanksgiving as a married couple! We had my mother in law out and a fabulous meal ! This was definitely an upgrade from last year where I cried on the couch with a smoked sausage while my fiance was at work!

DECEMBER- The final month of 2012!!!  My family packed our bags and headed for a very blended Christmas  in Kentucky.  I will admit it was a different experience. We spent Christmas with my stepdaughters mom and her family, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law, his daughter and my mother, brother and sister. Different people from different phases of life all in one kitchen cooking and celebrating and enjoying the kids rip open their Christmas presents!

Definitely different from the 33 Christmas Eve's with Grandma  and a day of sleeping and eating Christmas Day!

The year is over....was it what I imagined it would be ....NO...but was it a year of challenge,  learning and loving ! I even grew tremendously spiritually I will say that I am truly looking forward to 2013. There were ups and downs in 2012, but I feel that now that this year of transition is over 2013 is going to be an amazing year  of growth. I have a lot to look forward to! And now with babysitting options a lot more plentiful than they were I look forward to a little more dating for the not so new newlyweds!

Happy New Year to everyone!!! I won't be making any resolutions , but I will make a pledge to focus on living healthier, loving life more, having fun in the moment and not being hard on myself when I don't meet all the goals in the time originally planned.   I have declared it MY YEAR....so 2013 is the year  of ALL GOOD.... I'm only welcoming the good in my life and rejecting any negative. I've started my vision book and what I do commit to is when 2013 year end review  comes along it's going to be full of exciting adventures!

ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE OR JUST "RELIGIOUS"

There is no secret that religion is a highly debated topic.  I am not here to debate which religion is the road to salvation, but I am going to suggest that some people subscribe to “religion” as a way to remove any self accountability from their lives. You say you don’t know this person- sure you do!  I had a work associate that constantly came to work drunk and when finally fired …HER RESPONSE was the devil always trying to hold me down. She then proceeded to say God was her provider and this was the devil just trying to discourage her. The idea of her being responsible for this never crossed her mind. Coming to work drunk, being a distraction, performing poorly was never even considered.

I do believe that we are in a position to be blessed. However this blog is not so much about your faith as it is about asking the question are you responsible for YOU? I have always been interested in learning about all religions. I was even told once I was not going to be blessed because I asked too many questions.

In my journey of self discovery, I decided to step away from my constant prayers to God for THINGS….and ask that he give me only knowledge to discern what I needed to do to be a better ME

What caught my eye in my studies were the teachings in Buddhism.  This is not a talk about conversion, but I found the teachings to be very inspiring and eye opening. Their teachings are about looking at and thinking about our own lives. It shows us how to understand ourselves and how to cope with our daily problems. 

The basic teachings of Buddha subscribe to 3 universal truths.

·         Nothing is lost in the Universe

·         Everything changes

·         Law of Cause and Effect

At the end of the day our thoughts and actions determine the kind of life we can have. NOW wonder why I could NEVER find happiness. I thought at one point everything was lost in the universe, I hate change and I would not even subscribe to the law of cause and effect.

YOU MEAN I have to be responsible for my own thoughts and actions. I used to wonder why my prayers seemingly went ignored or unanswered and why I was always getting things I felt I didn’t deserve. WHOA IS ME was my life soundtrack.  NOW DON’T MISUNDERSTAND…there are injustices in the world, but we still get a choice.

I wish I had figured this out in my early 20’s how ever I am elated that I FIGURED IT OUT…some people still don’t get it.   There will be “religious people” who can repeat every bible verse, go to every church service and still be unhappy –no matter what religion…then when they don’t see a positive solution blame it on a spiritual source.  I believe that NO MATTER what religion you should have a daily regimen of self accountability.

I have made a dedication to asking myself at the end of the day what I did today to be a better me. Did I thank the God I pray too for all the positive things he added to my life that day OR did I complain about all the things I don’t have? Did I ask the universe what can I do for you today, did I serve a purpose was I kind and compassionate? OR was I selfish, self seeking an entitled?

We all have a responsibility to give back positive energy to the universe.  I will say this learning to LOVE ME, LIKE ME and APPRECIATE that my mere presence is a beautiful gift has been a hard journey. However learning to love you creates such a wonderful path to loving others. I have been able to appreciate the flaws of others as well as the attributes and the relationships you build from that place are much more rewarding.

I am still on a journey; I am learning that loving God is also loving me and accepting that he made me the way I am for a reason. THIS also means that I must be responsible in making the most of this life and truly enjoying every minute of it. What are you doing to live and enjoy your life to the fullest? What are you doing to be self accountable for the life YOU WANT TO LEAD????

 Self discovery can be very rewarding , but you have to THROW away the box you’re trying to think outside of and ask yourself am I really open to being responsible for me….or is it easier to have something , or someone to blame for every success or failure in life?

The Journey is Never Over

Days 89 & 90 came and went and let me tell you it was a journey!!!!!!.....BUT the journey is far from over. Originally this journey that started as a goal to lose weight became a journey of total self discovery. I didn't lose all the weight I wanted to lose physically, but the spiritual clarity that came with this time I took to focus on Lynn was amazing. 

During this journey I had an opportunity to truly self evaluate my successes and  failures  in losing weight. I wasn't passionate about it and it showed in my results. I wanted it, but I did not pursue it. I had a goal , but I didn't do everything that came along with reaching the goal. I understand now that losing weight is more than just a regimen. You have to completely change your way of thinking.

BE PREPARED not everyone will want you to succeed. Sometimes you may even doubt yourself. These are a few things that may help you along your journey. 

1. You are what you eat LITERALLY..... It helped me when I decided to use the words I CHOOSE to eat this.Those words helped me make better choices.

2.Find people who have like interests. I found I was most motivated when I surrounded myself with friends who wanted to get healthy and work out. People on the same journey together can sometimes be the best motivation.

3. Reward yourself for the successes and resist the urges to punish yourself for the failures. You may not reach your goal the first or the second time. Getting healthy is a life change not a diet plan, or a boot camp.Quick results don't equal long lasting results. TRUST if there was a secret pill or diet that WORKED everyone who wanted to lose weight would be on it.

4. Prepare yourself for a spiritual change. When we choose to change ourselves physically there's a lot of internal change that comes along with that. Understand that everyone in your life won't be supportive of those changes. DON'T let that stop your progress.

I am still determined more than ever to get healthy. It started off with the desire to have  a certain dress. It has evolved into wanting to have a healthy and full life. I have learned on this journey I don't have to be extreme, I can enjoy food and I can even enjoy the gym! So with all that said let the journey continue!!!!!!

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Days 81-88 A DRESS THAT YOU NEED MORE THAN MONEY TO BUY

In this journey I have learned many things . I have learned its not the size it's the look! I also learned that society conditions our mind that if we are not a size 2 there is something wrong with us. I started out wanting to lose 30 pounds. I thought I would look much better at 130 vs 160. I did not do as well as I expected in the weight loss. There are serveral reasons for this one. The first one was  LAZINESS !!! I didn't get serious until mid journey. I was still eating things I shouldn't and not exercising consistently.

When I finally got serious time was not my friend. You really have to be committed to working out and motivated to accomplish your goals. What I realized is to not focus so much on the weight but focus on the "look"  So I decided the look I was going for is the "non- pot -belly" look. With that being said no sugars or STRESS ( now how will I manage that).

I will write on the 90th day and maybe add some sentiment , but this blog is about the DRESS!!! Yes the DRESS.  I go into the store and I just wanted to try on a Herve Lager dress. After all I wanted to see what a $1200 dress felt like on my body!!! Maybe it would give me some incentive to work out more. Well it did !!! BUT not for the reason you think!!!

THIS IS THE DRESS!!!

 

The sales lady was extremely nice. I sympathize with her, her job must be hard OR maybe I should know better. I've tried on dresses before , but this dress!!! It was the perfect red dress and ONE DAY it would be MINE!!! Imagine my heart break when I discovered this dress didn't come in my size !! Apparently Herve Lager does not want women above a certain size wearing this dress!!! So here is my dilemma , do I lose weight to fit the dress ???? (and submit to the smaller is better stereotype) OR.... Do I simply say I refuse to buy a dress that does not support all shapes and sizes!!!

 

Well my decision was to--- LOSE WEIGHT and treat my self ONE DAY to this dress!I know what some may say, but this is how I came to my decision. I am overweight, a potruding tummy does not look good in any dress! So if I work out to become healthier, and more visually appealing ( for myself) then why not treat myself to this beautiful dress.

 

Now I am sure there are look alikes that come in my size. I am also sure this dress probably would not look AS good on me as it will if I just stop trying to find the short cuts and lose the weight ! So here is to hard work, exercise , getting healthy and my RED DRESS!!! 

 

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES!!!

 

Days 60-80 A Revelation

As I come to the end of this journey I've made many discoveries! One-- most of the foods I had to stop eating are bad for me anyway. Two working out and losing weight is not a project it is a lifestyle change. I would love to tell you this was easier than I thought BUT this was harder than I ever imagined.

I have always been relatively small , with little or no discipline in my eating habits. I tried to motivate my self with work out  routines.

I tried mapping a diet out for myself. I thought if I planned  my meals it would be helpful. That worked for about  a week or two. I tried becoming a Herbalife Distributor , that would help me lose weight and become rich! RIGHT?? I tried doing work out classes that were fun. However pole fitness was lot harder than I expected and getting there was just not as easy as a anticpated.

 

I tried talking about it ! That's the solution I will TALK THE WEIGHT OFF !! I tried putting up pictures of what I thought I wanted to look like ! I tried banning myself from shopping till I got to my goal weight...well at least I saved money on shopping this summer!!! Nothing seemed to work. Even the self accountability and knowing the world would KNOW my failure through this blog.

 

I am proud to say our fast food intake in the Adams household has decreased dramatically. I feel better cause I eat better, but I am still at the 160 pounds I was when I started this. A little less bloated, stomach a little flatter due to the decrease in pop intake, but the scale still says 160!

 

I came to day 80 completely frustrated. I did not know the work out's to do on my own. I only wanted to lose 30 pounds , but had lost nothing! I looked at my pictures completely overwhelmed to how I got here and how I would get back on track. There were two things I wanted to focus on in 2012. Health and Finances and here 2012 is ALMOST over.

 

Well day 80 may be the light at the end of the tunnel! My husband called and said hey I know we are trying to reach our goals, but maybe we need to do something different. AND that was how I came to know of Orange Theory Fitness!



 

So apparently how it works is you go to the gym and it is set up as group fitness! So NO MORE standing at the treadmill pretending I know what to do! Everyone works out in a group almost like an everyday boot camp AND you can bring the kid SO NO EXCUSES!!!

 

So why will this work when nothing else has? Well one it's something that we can get excited about as an entire family. I also work well in group settings such as this. What's even better is it is walking distance from home. I have gotten kind of excited about the whole thing! So we shall see ! My husband and I thought we would both see what it is about. I am going to take advantage of the one week FREE pass first, but it's awesome to see my husband excited about getting healthy with me. Here is to a journey coming to an end and although I didn't reach my anticpated goals I am excited  to see what happens on my next journey! After all life is a journey gotta keep it exciting!

 

Days 52-63 I'M ALLERGIC TO WHAT!!!!

This journey has been one heck of a ride. I have gone through depression, caffeine withdrawals and weird food cravings. I am proud to say I have been more active than I had discussed in my last post. The craziest part of this journey is I have started developing allergies !!! I was already allergic to tomatoes, but over the past couple of months I have apparently developed an allergy to ALL things citrus and CHOCOLATE!!!!

It was almost as if the diet Gods were like if she can't stop eating the things she loves we will make her allergic to them. I am hoping this is temporary, but apparently when making major changes in your diet your body can develop and intolerance to certain foods. At first the limitations were incredibly depressing, however I have decided to have fun with the possibilities. Instead of looking at the negative.......no pizza, spaghetti, lemonade, chocolate, etc.... I have decided to find creative recipes to make food fun again.

As a result of my new restrictions I have lost 5 pounds!!!! GO FIGURE!!! I am already starting to feel less bloated, and less tired throughout the day. Leads me to wonder if all that crap is good for you anyway. I will admit the chocolate has been the hardest adjustment AFTER ALL I love my midday thin mint fix.  Good news is with all the foods I am not supposed to have removed from my system I have been hive free for about a week now!!!

Well I am going to keep it short this time around !!! I think a suitable award when I reach my goal weight is a new wardrobe . I would have gone with a nice piece of chocolate cake, but we can't have me getting sick now can we!!! 

Days 21-51 = 30 Days What Happened?

Well needless to say the last 30 days have been a bust. I am rather disappointed.  I started out with excitement and motivation and then slowly fizzled into busy days and lack of motivation and excitement. August I will name the month of emotion. The month of August originally what was to be a month of celebration, became a month of good byes.

My grandmother was sick and hospitalized. Her body decided to take it's final rest just one day after my birthday August 17, 2012. Just two weeks later my husband also lost his grandfather. With all the stress of the unknown, adjusting to back to school for a 1st grader, full time job and being a wife somewhere working out fell through the cracks!

I guess when I named this blog life is a journey it could not have been more accurate. What I've learned 51 days into this journey is YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT LIFE IS GOING TO HAND YOU!

I have learned so much in just a short time, even though I have not reached the goals I'd hoped for. There has been progress however !!! We have cut down our fast food intake. Cooking has become fun for me. I am learning new ways to enjoy food and to eat ONLY when I am hungry. I have also learned not to let stress dictate my appetite. Not quite what I hoped for, but progress is progress.

I have 26 pounds to lose to reach my goal weight. I am determined to meet that goal . It may take a little more time than I expected. However I am getting back on the wagon slowly . I will start by doing a little walking everyday. Spending some time and energy in my little balcony garden. I will also work on getting the family active. What better way can you show your family that you love them than getting healthy TOGETHER !

I won't go as far as to call my workout plan a success. However I will say the growth I've had mentally and emotionally in this time has been amazing!!! I have learned that although things won't always go the way you want them to go instead of focusing on the negative you can simply focus on the positives. I have also learned that in you will not always get the support you expect when you grow . I have embraced the reality that is OK to outgrow friends, jobs, situations etc.

So I still have a little under 40 days to bring it back !! Or  start it up WHATEVER! I expect that by the end of these 90 days I am going to have several exciting things to report INCLUDING the desired weight loss.

Days 16-20 I NEED MY MOJO!!!

Hello ALL!!!

SO here is my issue, I seem to have lost my mojo. A week long conference and two early morning events zapped my desire to head to the gym. ALL IS NOT LOST I have been very active. A day at the beach, running around and two golf tournaments. I have not been a couch potato that is for sure!!! I need to get back to the gym however. I thought about some out door running , but the heat has scared me from even trying.

My husband and I had an awesome revelation. At one point we had gotten so lazy we had a Chic-fil-a ,  Burger King, Pizza rotation. From a week before the wedding till probably June we ate fast food everyday! That has definitely changed. We rarely eat fast food, and have been committed to cooking healthy meals everyday. I believe the life change has given me something to be proud of much more than my ability to go the gym 4 times a week. I know I have to do more, but I am realizing that I am making changes that will last.

My goal this week is to get my husband on board. I think it would be great if the family  could get active together. Sooooooo what activity could we do as a family??? Guess I have some thinking to do! Catch you guys next blog!!!

Emotional Prison

Just recently I posted on status that you have the opportunity to turn your mess to a message.  Often times we look at someone and we think we have them ALL figured out. We have those people we dislike, the people we love, the people we envy and the people we admire. We sometimes forget that each of those people come with a story that makes them unique. That makes them flawed and that makes them human.

I remember the very first day I let someone define me. I was 5 and I can't remember her name , but I remember the incident. There was a little girl that lived a couple doors down and we played together all the time.  This particular day we were playing with our dolls and putting beads in their hair. Suddenly she looked in this canister full of beads and said YOU STOLE SOME OF MY BEADS!!! I am not really sure how she determined that, but she was adamant that I had stolen something that belonged to her. She stated she did not like me and would not be my friend anymore.  I was devastated and I believe that is the first day I started believing I was unlikeable.

As I went through life I struggled to connect with people. Even though I was charming, people said  they liked me I really believed it was all a lie. Who could like me? I grew to hate myself and all the bad things about me said by mean hateful people, or lets face it kids just being kids I believed it ! The bad stuff was much easier to believe. When people said good things I was furious at the thought that they would lie and try to trick me into thinking I was worthy.

I hated myself. I was skinny, the boys did not seem to like me and I was frustrated that I was never one of the POPULAR girls.  At one point people would spread rumors about me that were NOT EVEN TRUE, but in some twisted way I did not defend myself because I was just glad people knew who I was.

As I grew older this self hatred of sorts, turned into self sabotage. Every potential for success I somehow adverted it. I did not go into acting even though it was my passion, because I told myself I would never make it anyway. I did not become a reporter and I convinced myself I was no where pretty enough  to be on television. I convinced myself even though I have two Masters levels degrees that I somehow cheated my way through school and I was not valuable enough to have a real career.  I even tried to sabotage my marriage before we said I do, because I was convinced no one would actually go through with marrying me.

To support these beliefs I aligned myself with some of the most toxic people. I kept a friendship for two decades even though she constantly proved she was not a friend because she had convinced me no one but her really liked me. She even tried to convince me that my husband moved of state to get away from me. GREAT FRIEND right? Every single failure in my life just served as confirmation of what I believed I was worthless and I was never going to be more than what I was no matter how hard I tried so WHY BOTHER?

I started living a double life . One where I was constantly self deprecating myself and another where I created all these surface relationships that gave people the illusion I was confident. I had imprisoned myself in my own destructive thoughts. Honestly no one has ever even supported them I have been told quite the opposite by the people who should have mattered.

I allowed ALL of my experiences to negatively impact me. So the truth is I did not give myself the chance to learn much. I self prophesied most of my failures. I willed them into existence. This kinda hatred generates anger, and my expectations of people were much too high. If they disappointed me I shut down. If they talked about me I blew up. I became known for my outbursts and it was something to this day I am not proud of. Every time someone criticized me it became my truth.

Up until recently all of my decisions have been fear-based. I probably have missed out on a lot of great things for fear of failure. It was easier to not try than to either fail or succeed and be held accountable for maintaining that image. So why the blog what's the point you ask? Well sometimes making yourself vulnerable allowing people to see side of you that you have kept hidden gives you insurmountable power.

I have lived in a prison of self hatred for 34 years and refused to turn 35 feeling the same way. There are so many ways to use your voice, I choose to speak of what was as a way to say NOW you have said it move on. What I have learned over the years are some  very valuable lessons. You can have a reasonable dispute and maintain a relationship. It is OK to let go of "friends" once you have outgrown each other. It is OK to fail because even failure is success.

The good part to all of this is even though I gave up , I am blessed that the Universe did not give up on me. This means I always have a chance to change my view of the world and leave the footprint I was meant to leave. I started this with you never know a persons story. The funny part of it all is now that I see the world the way I should have always seen it, It is so much I want to do. It is almost a rush to the finish line. It is refreshing at this point to hear what people have to say about me good or bad and walk away and say their opinion does not define me AND ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT.

This blog was inspired by someone that said I wish I could be like you, you're always happy , your so successful you have an amazing spirit. I thought at the time BOY DO THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!!  However I now realize that you can be an inspiration to others  even when you can not inspire yourself. Your message won't apply for all, but for many it will. I am glad the world knocked me down so many times, one of those falls must have knocked some sense into me. I named my blog Lynne The Dreamer, because I believe that if you dream you always have something exciting to look forward to. It looks like a lot more than losing weight is happening for me on this 90 day Journey!!!

Days 5 & 6 & 7 Body Rest and the Case of the Forgotten Lunch

In this beginning of this journey I prepared myself for a couple realities. Every day would not be easy, and every day would not be a success. I did not expect that reality to come to life in Days 5&6. Day 5 my body was really dealing with the residual of the pole fitness class! The day was not all wasted spent some time on the mental workout. I allowed myself to take a break WITHOUT beating myself up.

I also realized that a healthier life is not all about the work out. It is about enjoying the moment you are in. I did exactly that On Sunday Day 5. The Adams household decided to take a field trip!!! Where to you ask??? In this heat the MOVIES OF COURSE!!!! The day lead to a split decision on the moral behind Brave and a trip to Walmart. Nothing like a easy breezy day to make the day awesome. That means I should have been completely ready for Day 6 Riighhhhhtttt?

Day 6 came with errand running, and a trip to the most prestigious school in Denver for the little one !!! Does walking around the huge campus count as a work out? I will be proud to say that the lil one is AS smart as we thought. They thought she was a perfect fit for the school! However the $16,000 yearly tuition made us feel a little different.

The intent was to come home and work out, but things did not quite work out that way. The plants did not get watered, exercise did not happen. I didn't eat horrible , but the couch was my home till bed called me. NO WORRIES though tonight DAY 7 I am back on my work out plan and I can't wait to tell you all about it!!!!
Baked Chicken , Spinach  and water already is making today a great success. Tomorrow let's try not to miss breakfast and lunch though!!!