UNSTOPPABLE

Last year a friend made a suggestion to focus on a word for the new year vs. resolutions. Let's face it a word is much more obtainable. For years I made resolutions, most of which I abandoned before the 1st quarter of the year was out. I would consistently write down a list of 10 to 15 things I would change or improve upon.  There were a few that would sneak their way on the list every year. Lose weight, pay off debt, find a hobby etc. We call them goals ...but let's face it's just a very creative way to place unrealistic expectations on  ourselves. There is nothing wrong with creating a list of wishes and wants, but what I learned is I placed these insane expectations on myself .

When the clock strikes midnight the only thing that really has changed is the time. It's a new year , but if you have not LEARNED anything, CHANGED your way of thinking or GROWN from your experiences, I guarantee you won't accomplish any of the resolutions you set up for yourself.

Last year my word was BELIEVE...and boy was I tested. I spent the entire year believing. There were times I wanted to stop believing . ( Journey would have been disappointed)  I committed to not straying from the belief that no matter what ,it was all going to be OK, and ultimately it was. So what  how did I learn, change and grow?

I LEARNED.. that not everything will go the way you want it to go. Even when you think it you have it all figured out, life has a way of sneaking up on you and throwing a curve ball. I learned that people will disappoint you, not because they don't love you, but because they are people and they have their own issues. They are not perfect...but hey neither am I. I learned that it's OK to make mistakes, or be imperfect. There is nothing wrong with doing something you regret, just try not to repeat the behavior. I learned that life is in cycles good and bad are a part of it. It's not always the devil, or God sometimes IT IS MORE than you can handle, but handle it anyway. I promise time tells a story, and with time there is always a resolution ALWAYS.

I also learned that just because my beliefs have shifted doesn't make me a bad person. I spent most of the year thinking I was a bad Christian because prayers, the bible and church wasn't giving me the comfort and peace I  needed. What I learned by the end of the year was that was not what God's plan for me was. He was sending me on journey of self discovery. He needed me to FIND  my own peace, and self accountability  and boy did I!

I learned that you really are responsible for you.

I CHANGED.. I have spent a great deal of my life looking for acceptance from others. Wanting closer friendships, and to be loved and accepted. I spent most of my life really hating the ME I was trying desperately to be someone else ANYONE else. How can you connect with others if you are not authentic?

2014 that changed I learned to embrace me, the good, the bad , the ugly, I am emotional, and sensitive. My feelings are hurt easily. I am scared A LOT, but I am also loving, and giving, funny in my own quirky way and loyal to those I love. When disappointed I don't always handle it the best way , but I am working on it. The fact that I own it and all of it is growth in itself.

I stopped waiting for God to "bless" me and really focused on all the great things I had going on in my life. I discovered meditation, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Through this I was able to find my peace. TRUE peace , not the fake it and hope people don't see through it stuff.

I changed because I starting caring less about the friends I didn't have . It hurt that this year I REALLY needed friends, and naturally I reached out to the ones who I had been there for. I discovered many of them were not there the way I needed them to be. I was bitter ....but through change I LEARNED that wasn't their job. Everyone doesn't have to ride your journey with you. The journey is for you. They really helped me because I begin to enjoy my own company. I also learned to take my own advice vs. looking for counsel and validation from others. There is power in choosing what life is best for you.

I have GROWN.. I learned that everything I need is already in me. I don't have to wait for it, pray for it, wish for it, it is there. I know now that pain is a part of life , but understanding pain makes you truly value joy. I have grown to the point where I really don't care what people think. This is going to look different for some. I probably won't be that person giving all of me and then some when I am needed. I am too busy loving on me. This is something I didn't do before. I thought if I loved people more and loved me less they would fill the gap. Again this is not their responsibility. So people will find me using the word NO a lot more often. This was something that needed to happen a long time ago.

In all of this I have come away with what I feel is amazing knowledge.

1. Love is a choice...a daily choice.
2.Living moment to moment is much easier than living day to day
3. If you don't make a plan for your life , then life will make a plan for you.....but you don't get to complain about it.
4. Every second you get to make a different choice.  I no longer worry about the morning in the afternoon, The morning is over, if it wasn't great I focus on making the afternoon better and the evening amazing. It really is that simple.

Overall, I know people might be surprised to hear my year was FREAKING  amazing ! I learned how to let it all go and just live and enjoy whatever life has to throw my way. I found peace, I learned how to love myself and I learned that what other people think about you is really not YOUR problem. I have no complaints about my year. 2014 was one heck of a ride, but I survived it because I BELIEVED I would.

So this year my word is UNSTOPPABLE...no explanation needed just watch me in action.


Happy New Years Loves!!

Keeping IT REAL

One of the biggest things  out of my comfort zone to date I have decided to do is embrace the natural texture of my hair.  Women, black women specifically hold a great source of self esteem in the appearance of our tresses.

When making this decision, I decided to go a step beyond being natural. I also wanted to embrace the luxury of being versatile with my hair. Meaning if i want to wear it straight I do, if I want to be happy kinky and curly I can, if I want to be weavetastic have at it. Whatever I want to do I can without being identified as less than or more than because of my hair.

My decision was based off a morning where I woke up at 4:00 a.m. to straighten my hair for a presentation  because I didn't think I would look professional if I didn't. At some point I had been taught the "natural" texture of my hair was unprofessional.

That morning I decided that I would focus on embracing MY texture, as well as focusing on healthy hair vs. straight. I encourage  all women to take this journey of acceptance with their hair. The fun in finding sexy, fun and sassy ways to wear your own hair can be a very liberating journey. 

I remember a  time where if my hair was a mess it would ruin my entire day. I have recalled times where I even called into work because I didn't feel presentable with hair that wasn't bone straight. The wonderful thing in this process is not being afraid of the water and rain anymore. Water has actually become a friend, and while I am still learning all the ins and outs I will chart my journey as a way to encourage others to embrace their personal hair journey. 

Our hair is not who we are, but how we love and care for our bodies and our hair are reflections of how we feel about ourselves and our culture. Good hair is healthy hair! People can try to put you in a box, but it is you who chooses whether or not you want to stay in it.